Is our relationship worth another try? Can 'second time around' relationships work? Can a relationship work the third time around? Are 'second time around' relationships worth it? How can we make our relationship work this time around?
|Looking in each others eyes:|
Deciding to try and make a relationship work the second or third time around can be a very hard decision to make and a lot of thoughts and questions might flood your mind.
The odds seem against you
There is often a lot of negativity focused on second or third time around relationships with statements such as ‘If it didn’t work out the first or second time around will it really work out now?’ or ‘ Your ex is your ex for a reason!’ often heard.
Prince William and Kate Middleton
Conquer those negative vibes and sayings with ones like ‘if he comes back it WAS MEANT TO BE’. Remember, despite what everyone else around you (friends, family, and the Internet or TV programs) may tell you, it’s ultimately your decision to make.
Forget about what everyone else may say because if Prince William and Kate Middleton could do it (enjoying a successful relationship and even getting married after getting back together again) you could too. Look at the positive and allow such iconic couples to be your motivation and inspiration.
Fix it up
In order to fix a relationship and try the second or third time around there are various things that you need to do and make sure of in order to prevent the relationship from failing again. There are numerous tips to follow which could bring you closer to success.
The important thing to remember is that a relationship can’t be fixed or put back together again over night. It takes a lot of hard work to build a relationship and coming from a failed relationship it will be twice as hard. You can’t rush back into the relationship and expect everything to be okay. You need to discuss a lot before you officially decide to get back together again.
Also remember not to treat the relationship as another try, fix up or patch work. Rather treat it as a new relationship as far as you can.
How to make the relationship a success
- Can the problems be fixed?
In order to know whether or not the problems can be fixed you first need to know exactly what the problems were.
You need to discuss (as a couple) what went wrong and where the problem lied. Do this without pointing fingers or blaming anyone. You both need to accept responsibility for the relationship and what happened throughout it as a relationship works both ways.
Once you know where the problem was you can work towards fixing it.
· Decide what you’re both going to change or do differently in order to make the relationship work.
· You can both set ground rules on what is or isn’t acceptable in your new relationship.
· Decide whether you need to get counseling or involve a third party (like a parent, older sibling or a role model couple) for support.
- Sort out the past
As part of deciding what the problem is you need to sort out the past. Remember that you both made mistakes and that none of that matters any more. You’re going into a new relationship together so everything that happened in your past relationship or when you weren’t together anymore becomes null and void.
- Treat each relationship as a new one – leave the past in the past
As mentioned, the new relationship needs to be treated as such.
You need to remember that your past is your past and that if you want to fix things and start a fresh you need to leave the past right there. Discuss it so that it’s in the open (if you feel that you need honestly and openness or if it will give you an opportunity to make a knowledgeable decision) but if you choose to get back together again everything that happened in the past needs to count for nothing.
Also remember that disclosing every single little thing might leave bad memories or hurt things even more, so use your discretion with regards to this.
- Forgive and forget
Forgiveness is the key to starting afresh
· Forgive your partner for whatever it is you feel they may have done wrong in the relationship (cheating, hurting your feelings, or breaking up with you)
· Forgive yourself (for all the same)
· You might never be able to fully forget what happened in the past or what went wrong but you need to remember that you both made mistakes and that you want to move forward.
- Learn from past mistakes and don’t repeat them
It’s no use knowing what you’re mistakes or down falls were if you going to repeat them. You need to move forward not backwards.
- Communicate: a lack of communication is what causes many relationships to fail
Communication is always key. Whenever you feel that you’re relationship is drifting back towards failure you need to discuss the problems and what’s happening.
Sit down and talk about everything. Discuss everything no matter what. Communication is essential in every relationship. Without communication neither of you will know where you stand and your relationship will begin failing.
- Argue, but communicate
It’s okay to argue. It shows that you both still care. The worrying time comes when the arguments stop because that means that neither of you cares about the relationship nor is willing to fight for it so you’re both just ready to let it to die out.
Arguing is part of communication and communication is good.
All in all, everything is possible with love. As previously mentioned if you’re thinking about getting back together again (maybe even for the third time) there has got to be something that keeps you wanting to try which means that you must have some sort of connection. Love is not a game and there is no handbook, manual or rules. No one can tell you what you should or should not do. If you both feel that you love each other enough to give the relationship another try then keep the above tips in mind and go for it.
Love always protects, always trusts, always HOPES, and always PERSEVERES.
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