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Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Mixed signals from my ex: Questions and Answers

Hi, 
Me and my ex had been together just over 9 years. We have a 7 & 5 year old together and I'm currently pregnant with our 3rd with 1 week left to go. He left me when I had 7 weeks left of pregnancy saying he didn't want to be with me anymore, his feelings have changed and part if him loves me but the other part of him doesn't but he doesn't have feelings for me. I tried to work things out but he does not want to. 
A few weeks back he was giving me signs of hope, to which I told him then he said he would stop as he didn't want to give me wrong impression as we never getting back together! Then last week he found out some boy tried contacting me to which I didn't respond but he got a bit funny about it and said he would prefer me to tell him if I was talking to someone etc and since then he started being nice to me again and a bit flirty. But then I asked him outright if he was texting someone else cos of a message I saw and he said he wasn't and he doesn't have to prove anything to me as we not together anymore. 
The thing is about 3 years ago he told me he didn't want to be with etc but then we ended up back together. It's all so confusing and there's nothing I can do about it. It's hard to have no contact because of the kids. Plus it doesn't matter if I'm nice or truthful or "annoying" to him, nothing I do I good enough 

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Hi there

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I can only imagine how hard it must be especially with the pregnancy. Please remember to try and limit stress as not to affect the baby. I know it may seem hard and almost impossible but please do try.

Regarding your ex:
He is being highly inconsiderate especially considering the fact that you are pregnant with his child. I'd like you to think about something before trying to make any attempts at fixing things with him: is it really worth it? 
I know based on experience that if he can treat you this way when you're pregnant with his child how much worse would it be after the baby has been born? There is always the exception to the rule but in most cases people don't change for the better.

I know that you might feel that it would be best for your children to have their father around but sometimes a single parent has a better impact on a child than a negative relationship does. Children can feel and perceive unhappiness and hurt and it doesn't do them well in the long run.

If you still feel like you want to fix things with this man then I'd advise that you tell him so. Let him know. Tell him that you both aren't perfect and have made mistakes or done wrong and you'd like for the two of you to work together to try and make things work or give your relationship one last chance for the children ( or whatever other reason you may have). 
If he agrees to this then do just that - ONE LAST chance. If it doesn't work then walk away and don't look back.

If he refuses to try, seems hesitant or says that he isn't ready or comfortable trying again, then move and don't look back. You need to be strong for your babies and not stress yourself out. You can't make someone love you.

I hope that this helps. Remember to put yourself and your babies first.

Good luck and God Bless!

* This question was received as a comment on "Signs that your ex is over you / Has moved on". Please note that the article has reached it's maximum in comments and I have posted and replied to the comment here instead. I hope that the writer is able to find it here. *
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