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Thursday, August 23, 2012

Should I call my ex on his / her birthday? : Making contact with your ex

Should I call my ex on his / her birthday? Should I text my ex on his / her birthday? Should I get my exboyfriend / exgirlfriend or exwife / exhusband a gift for his / her birthday?

A single red rose:
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
There is a lot to consider when thinking about whether or not you should contact your ex or get him / her a gift for his / her birthday. It all basically depends on different factors revolving around your past relationship, current relationship and personalities as individuals.
Some of the most important factors to consider will be listed and explained below.

Should I call, text or get my ex a gift for his / her birthday?

Your current relationship
Hands making a heart:
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

You’re friends or at least talking
If you and your ex are currently friends or close (whether planning on getting back together again or not) it would probably be acceptable to get him or her a gift or to call or text him or her. Chances are (depending on your relationship and both of you as individuals) your ex will probably expect you to at least say or text him / her happy birthday seeing as you’re on talking terms or friends.

You’re not friends, haven’t spoken since the break-up or don’t speak regularly
Maybe you broke up a few weeks, months or years ago and haven’t really spoken since, have only spoken a few times since then but don’t really speak regularly, or aren’t friends. In this position your ex is less likely to expect you to contact him or her or get him or her a gift BUT depending again on your previous relationship, your feelings at present and both of you as individuals, your ex may or may not appreciate the gesture.

You know your ex better than anyone else so you should have a little insight into whether or not he or she would appreciate the gesture.

In most cases, whether your ex says so or not he or she would be likely to find it rather moving that you remembered his or her birthday. It’s an important day to him or her and just the fact that you remembered even though you’re not together should mean quite a lot to him or her.
If your ex is in a new relationship he or she might be more reluctant to tell you how much you remembering meant to him or her and reluctant to accept anything you might decide to get him or her. In this situation a call or text might be a better idea then getting your ex a gift.

How long it’s been since the break up

The amount of time that may have past between the break up and now could play a role in your ex’s reaction to the idea.

The break up is still fresh
The amount of time that has past since the relationship ended (if it was fairly recent), depending on the reason for the break-up; you contacting your ex for his/her birthday could result in either of the following:
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A recent break-up could mean that your ex is still trying to overcome the freshness of the the break-up or whatever went wrong especially if he or she was badly hurt by the break-up or you. If your ex told you not to contact him or her and it’s a really short space of time since then you might not receive a very great response to your birthday contact.

On the flip side, however, if you and your ex broke up over something less major or dramatic (or even if the break-up was a mutual decision that you were both okay with) your ex might be really excited to hear from you whether or not the break-up is fresh. The reason for this might be that the break-up being fresh would mean that the feelings you have or had for each other might be relatively fresh too and he or she might still have them – his or her feelings for you are less likely to have faded.

You broke up a while ago

Holding little fingers:
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Contacting your ex after a break-up that happened a while ago usually has as an advantage the fact that he or she might be more content with what happened (even if you may have hurt him or her) and has dealt with his or her feelings. Time has a way of healing wounds and having had some time pass between the break-up your ex may possibly have moved past the hurt and just be naturally happy to hear from you.

The fact that you’re contacting your ex after a certain period of time should also mean more to your ex in that you haven’t been in contact for a while and yet you still remembered his or her birthday.

In contrast to contacting your ex straight after a bad break-up, if you’re contacting your ex a while after a break-up there is less of a risk with regards to hurt feelings.

Did he or she contact you on yours?

If your ex contacted you or got you a gift for your birthday or any other holiday, this is a sure sign that you should do the same for him / her.
You don't need to worry about the duration of the break-up or any other factors as this point would have allowed you to have enough reason to contact your ex or get him or her a gift.
Giving your ex flowers:
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What should I say to my ex on his / her birthday?

Depending on the current situation and the above mentioned factors, there is a lot you could say to your ex when contacting him or her for their birthday. (Please read 'Sweet or romantic text messages to send to an ex' as this might give you many more ideas.)

Your aim should be to allow your ex to know that you've remembered his / her birthday and that you're thinking about him / her on this special day.
Depending on your current relationship or your feelings for him / her tell your ex:
  • he/she is special, an awesome or amazing person or still an important person to you and that's why you remembered.
  • you hope that he/she gets everything that he or she deserves for their birthday and that all of his/her wishes and dreams become a reality.
  • that you wish only the best for him/her.
  • that today is a special day for you too because if it wasn't for this day you would never have had the honor of having him/her be a part of your life

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What should I get my ex for his / her birthday?

Again what you get your ex for their birthday depends on your current relationship and feelings for him or her.
When getting your ex a gift your main aim should be to allow your ex to know how you feel about him or her and to bring back memories of the good times you shared together.
Please read 'Sweet or romantic Birthday gift ideas for exes' as there are many great ideas of ideal gifts to get your ex for his / her birthday.

Birthdays like many other holidays are highly special and the person celebrating them is usually in a really good and happy mood. If you haven't been contacting or speaking to your ex since the break-up their birthday might just be the best day to make contact.

You will never know how your ex would react until you try.

Good luck!
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