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Friday, October 12, 2012

Is fighting / arguing bad for your relationship? - Advantages and Disadvantages of fights / arguments in relationships

Is fighting bad for your relationship? Will arguing ruin our relationship? Will fighting / arguing have a negative effect on our relationship?

Image courtesy of Luigi Diamanti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Fighting or arguing is highly common in all relationships. Some couples fight a lot, some rarely ever fight - the crux of the matter is that all couples have fought or had an argument at least a few times in their relationship (depending on how long they've been together).

Image courtesy of photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Many people view fighting and argument's in a negative light resorting to comments such as "we never fight", "we hardly ever fight" or "we always agree on everything" when describing the role of fighting or arguments in their relationships.

Is fighting really as bad as everyone makes it out to be?

Put simply the answer is NO.
Fighting is not the biggest enemy to any relationship as it so often may be portrayed to be.
On the contrary to what many may believe, fighting actually serves it's purpose in a relationship and couples who fight healthily and moderately might actually be better off than those who rarely fight or claim to never fight.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Why is fighting more positive then negative?

Coming into a relationship you and your partner are two completely different individuals; you may have different believes, different likes and dislikes, different habits and different personality traits. There is no way you can be exactly the same and chances are you really aren't - like they say; opposites attract.
You also don't know each other that well. Depending on how long you've been together, you're probably getting to know each other and find out something new about each other every day. Unless you've been together for over ten years, there is no way you know everything or almost everything about each other.
As can be assumed, the better you know each other ( the longer you've been together) the less likely you are to fight. You're still bound to fight or have arguments or disagreements occasionally but they should gradually decrease.

Image courtesy of photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Fighting or arguing allows you to voice your opinion and get your views across. Arguing or fighting are sometimes ways of allowing your partner to gain some insight into you: your differences, likes, dislikes, personality traits, etc. It is one of the most common and obvious ways of communicating and we all know that communication is crucial in any relationship.

If you don't argue or fight at least occasionally it may reflect a fact that you're relationship isn't as open as it should be: maybe one of you is dominating the other, afraid to get his / her views across, doesn't feel comfortable enough to air his or her opinion to his / her partner or is not interested in trying to feel happy in the relationship.

Fighting or arguing with regards to what's going on in your relationship is also sometimes seen positively as it reflects that you still want to fight for your relationship. If you didn't fight or argue about what you want from the relationship, how certain things your partner does makes you feel or anything else it becomes apparent that you don't really care what your partner does or what happens to your relationship meaning that you're not willing to fight for it or its success.

Is all fighting or arguing good?

As with most things in life, everything is good in moderation. Excessive fighting or arguing can also damage your relationship. Too much fighting can result in emotional exhaustion resulting in either or both of you giving up on the relationship and holding things in in an aim to avoid another fight or argument. This can be extremely detrimental to the communication aspect of your relationship having a tremendously negative effect on it.

Image courtesy of photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
A big part of arguments / fights sometimes being harmful to relationships comes from the fact that when couples get into fights or arguments they're both obviously very upset, angry or emotional resulting in either or both saying things they don't mean or wouldn't usually say in more of a rational mindset. The anger or upset aspect obviously disappears after the fight but sometimes the harsh words or things said during the fight linger on afterwards resulting in permanent scaring to either partner or the relationship.

Another factor worth noting is that sometimes fighting over things that aren't really worth fighting over is actually a cover up for a deeper underlying issue. In this case you and your partner need to be open and honest with each other and discuss what the real problem is in an aim to avoid a failed relationship.

Should we fight more or less?

Basically fighting is irrelevant in your relationship and what matters most is that you're communicating and getting your views, opinions and feelings across to your partner in any way possible. If you can do this without fighting, arguing, shouting or getting mad then that's awesome and you should keep it up. if you can't get your feelings or thoughts across without a fight every now and again then that's okay too. Get your feelings and opinions across as best you can but if you do get into a fight or argument try and stick to the topic at hand and a void saying (or sometimes doing) something that you may regret later. Don't say anything that you know would hurt your partners feelings (especially not deliberately0 and leave all major decision making for when you're in a completely rational mindset.
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