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Tuesday, July 8, 2014

How do you get out of an abusive relationship?

How can I get out of the abusive relationship that I’m in? How do you leave an abusive relationship? Is it possible to leave an abusive relationship?

A famous quote by world renowned Psychologist Dr Phil says “The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship for a year is being in a bad relationship for a year and one day”. You are the only one who can save you.

When you’re in an abusive relationship you may feel trapped;

  • Your partner may threaten to physically harm you or those you love if you leave
  • Your partner may threaten to hurt himself if you left
  • Your partner may threaten to take away your children if you left

You may also emotionally trap yourself

  • You might feel bad or sorry for your partner
  • You may believe that your partner will change
  • You may fear that you will lose your children
  • You may want to avoid disappointing others in a failed marriage
  • You may want to avoid depriving your child of a father
  • You may feel that you won’t be able to provide for yourself or your child without your partner

The first step in leaving is to acknowledge and realize that it is the best thing to do. You may often find yourself making excuses or trying to convince yourself that you should stay for some reason but the fact of the matter is you’re better off without an abusive partner. If you have children, you need to think about what it is or will do to them to witness their father hurting their mother. Do you want your son to think that’s the way to treat his wife? Do you want your daughter to think its okay for a man to hurt her in the future? Do you want your son to try and protect you and end up getting hurt in a physical altercation with his dad?
If you put your children first you will realize that leaving is in their best interest.

For every excuse, convince yourself otherwise.

Once you’ve made the final decision to leave; leave and don’t ever look back.

Often the best time to leave is when your partner is not around. Leaving while he is there could only result in a fight and possibly another physical confrontation. Wait for your partner to go to the mall, to work or out with his friends and then leave. If you do not have your own vehicle or way of getting around call or message a friend and ask for him or her to fetch you and your children if you have any.
Grab important items only and leave if you’re not sure how much time you have left. You will be able to pick up your other belongings at a later stage with a friend or police officer in order to avoid being alone with your partner.

If you are afraid to tell your partner you’re leaving write him a letter and leave it there for him. Alternatively you can call or text him after you’ve left already.

If you are not living with your partner but want to know how to end the abusive relationship, stick to the same rules the most important being - DO NOT DO IT IN PERSON. Write him a letter or email or call but for your own safety it would be best to avoid doing it in person.

Don’t fall for the “let’s just meet one last time” or “let’s spend one last night together” line. More often than not this is extremely dangerous and could result in you getting badly hurt.

If you have to meet with your partner in person for any reason that cannot be avoided, be sure to have a friend or someone go with you or at least tell someone where you will be. Your safety is of extreme importance.

It’s important to know that your partner may seem like a sweet person and may seem completely remorseful leading you to think that he will not hurt you again - you have to remember that when someone is extremely angry or snap they are not the same ‘sweet person’ you know and anything is possible. Rather be safe than sorry.

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