How to tell if your ex was the one: was my ex the one for me?

How do I know if my ex was the one for me? Could my ex have been Mr / Mrs Right? Should I have stayed with my ex? Was I meant to be with my ex?

Break-ups can be confusing. They can leave you with a million questions and a thousand regrets. When you’re in a new relationship, engaged, or married and still having doubts about your ex though, these little ‘issues’ can become somewhat amplified.

Many people find themselves pondering on thoughts of their exes when things don’t go well in their new relationships. They wonder what their ex would have done or said, how he or she would have reacted or how different things could have been. Sometimes these thoughts are just planted to exaggerated due to the current negative situations in your present relationship, other times they aren’t. The following might help you figure out the difference.

Was your current relationship a rebound one?

A rebound relationship is one which begins a very short amount of time after the ending of your prior relationship. This is likely to be under a month or two.

If you initially started dating your current partner as a rebound to your ex, this might be a major role player in your thoughts or feelings for your ex. The truth of the matter is that you didn’t give yourself a chance to heal from the relationship with your ex, you didn’t have closure and you likely to have started dating your current partner for all the wrong reasons – to try and heal from your break-up with your ex, to get back at your ex, to make your ex jealous, etc.

How can you tell the difference?

As was mentioned earlier, it is common to think about the good in your ex when you have a fall out or go through a negative or tough time with your current partner. This is somewhat unfair to your current partner and an unfair advantage to your ex. A good way to try and measure whether or not your feelings for your ex are sincere and not just a way of comforting yourself through the rough patch with your current partner, is to REALLY compare the two – no advantages, no unfairness – total equality.

How to compare your ex and your current partner.

You need to formulate a table and compare various situations, scenarios and stations. Think about things clearly and be completely honest and unbiased. Once you’ve answered you need to go through the answers allocated to your ex and that to your current partner clearly measuring which is better and which is worse. Better scores a 1 and worse scores a 0. Once you’ve calculated the scores you will be able to tell who was overally better for you. Individual scores will allow you to tell who treated you better and who you had stronger feelings for.

If you can think of anything further be sure to add it. Remember this can only be used as an aid to get you thinking. Only you really know the truth.

Hope this helps!

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Posted by Jade