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Tuesday, November 15, 2016

On and Off relationships: Should I make contact with my ex?

Relationship Questions 
My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago and I immediately started the no contact.Two weeks into it there were a series of sad whatsapp status updates and facebook posts but he never made contact with me directly . My birthday fell towards the end of the one month of no contact and he wished me a day after my birthday with a very very plain happy birthday. I just said thank you and left it at that. 

I don't even know how to explain myself anymore. But I'm tired of always begging to get back. We've been in an on off relationship for over a year. I do want to talk to him about it but I don't want him to take me for granted that I'm going to come back all the time. It's been over a month and he doesn't seem to feel anything. Even his whatsapp status updates are all very general. There's no way for me to tell if he even feels anything.

I never got too close to his friends because I didn't want him to feel like I wasn't giving him his space. He hasn't left the whatsapp chat group he has with my family. Although the group is inactive. He's blocked me on facebook....unblocked me for a week and then blocked me again 3 days ago. I don't know what to make of this... 

Please help me. 


Hi there

Thanks a lot for commenting. I’m sorry about what you are going through and hope that I might be able to help a little.

I don’t know exactly what your situation is or the reason for your break-up or the reason for your past break-ups. I also don’t know how long your break-ups usually last for and how you’ve gotten back together in the past.

What I can say from past experience is that Boomerang relationships (on and off relationships) are usually very hard and complicated. The fact that you’ve broke up and gotten back together on numerous occasions before often leaves you thinking (sometimes not even consciously but in your sub-conscious mind) that you will get back together again in the future. Whether it takes a few weeks or a few months or even over a year. There’s always that feeling of a pending reunion. This obviously depends on your feelings and the depth of your relationship which I’m guessing is obviously deep or you wouldn’t be feeling the way that you are.

There are two things to note here though:

1.     It seems like he did try to make contact with you with regard to your birthday. BUT it was late though – after your birthday, which is a bit strange… Nonetheless, this can be seen as an attempt to make contact and get back into your life which some guys do. After that he stopped and didn’t really carry on trying and later blocked you and unblocked you and blocked you again… This could be that he either just wanted to say Happy Birthday (a day late – which is weird and seems to me less likely) or he used it as an excuse to make contact with you (which seems to me more likely) BUT the fact that he got a plain response from you (You say: I just said thank you and left it at that) may have scared him a little, seemed like you weren’t interested in having contact or like you had moved on.
2.     The blocking and unblocking etc. on Facebook. There are two reasons why he may have done this:
-       There is a possibility that he was hurt by something you posted – maybe seeing that you were happy without him or something or he felt that with you unblocked he kept checking your profile and it was hard for him to move forward. Another possibility is that it felt like he was tempted to contact you or message you or something. This is a little less likely as he could contact you in a million other ways but it is still a possibility.
-       The second point which I think may be more likely may be that he didn’t want you to see something. Maybe he was posting pics with someone else and he didn’t want to hurt your feelings OR (more likely) he doesn’t want to offend you because he doesn’t want to completely rule the chances of you getting back together again out.

I completely get where you are coming from regarding: I do want to talk to him about it but I don't want him to take me for granted that I'm going to come back all the time. I really completely AGREE. That is a big concern. Judging from what you’ve said, you always give him another chance or approach him to give your relationship another shot. If this is the case, then yes doing it again is likely to be to your detriment and you’re likely to end up in the same situation AGAIN especially if you approach him after only a month. It is a tough spot to be in and like I said speaking form experience, it usually does end up in a vicious circle.

All this being said, There is no way to tell for sure where your exes mind is and whether or not he’s moved on but in my opinion, taking into consideration the fact that it has only been a month and that he made contact after your birthday, also the blocking you and unblocking you thing etc., it seems to me that he hasn’t completely moved on (maybe he won’t or maybe he is still in the process of doing so) and still has some feelings for you.

My best advice to you would be to leave things as is and wait it out no matter how hard it is. It’s only been a month. Even when more than a month passes. Or two or three etc. You have to maintain no contact because YOU ARE RIGHT - if you do make contact or initiate another make up he is going to take you for granted. It might seem petty or silly but I do strongly feel like in every relationship there can be described – one person who loves more and this person may not necessary love more but they give in easier continuously and that puts them at a disadvantage. That’s exactly what you would be doing if you make contact or initiate a make-up now. Furthermore you’d be teaching him how to treat you and telling him that it’s okay to do whatever led to the break-up if it was his fault (I believe everyone has their fair share in contributing to relationship problems and no one is completely blameless) and that you will keep running back so he is free to treat you however he wants to.
I’m not sure how long your break-ups usually last but aim for the longest you’ve ever gone without talking etc. and go past that! Every day you go longer than that, is a day you get closer to HIM MAKING CONTACT WITH YOU if he really cares enough. If you matter to him as much as you should he will be the one to make the next move now. He will be the one to initiate contact and try again with you.

Taking all you’ve said into consideration it seems that you’ve done more than your fair share of initiating and trying first in the past already.

I hope this helps and trust that everything will go perfectly for you.

Remember; if you’re meant to be together you will ALWAYS find your way back to each other.

Good luck and God Bless!

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