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Wednesday, August 13, 2014

My boyfriend / husband has been arrested: What to do if your loved one is arrested / detained

My boyfriend / husband was arrested what do I do ? How do I help my husband / boyfriend who was just arrested or is in jail? How do I handle my boyfriend / husband being arrested or put in prison?


The shock of having your loved one detained or arrested can be horrendous. It is made a hundred times worse if you're present at the time or have to witness it helplessly. It can be heartbreaking, traumatic and a life changing experience.


When finding yourself in such a position you are often left feeling helpless, scared and blank uncertain what to do or what happens next. Please read "My boyfriend / husband is in prison: Coping with a loved one in prison" IN ADDITION to this article.

What to do and how to cope with your loved one being arrested:

1. Stay calm

This may be the hardest thing to do and seem virtually impossible but as soon as you possibly can, you need to get a grip. It can be completely challenging witnessing your loved one being taken away, arrested or man-handled but you need to be brave in order to think clearly and help him during this time.
Try and avoid being rude, argumentative or aggressive with the police. This could result in your partner being treated horribly, hurt or being at a disadvantage in obtaining bail or being treated properly. Police officers can be spiteful and may be a little more lenient on him if you're all nice, polite and humble.

2. Ask questions

As soon as you can, speak to the police at the police station, those arresting him or the investigation officer and try and find out as much information as you can. Important things to know are:
-Any court dates (he may have a bail hearing or appear in order to find out what charges are laid against him)
- Ask what he is being accused of or charged with
- Find out how soon you can see him or speak to him
- Get a case number
- Find out if you can bring him any food, clothes, toiletries or blankets

3. Get help

Contact a family member or friends that may be able to help you. Get information from others who may have been in a similar possession. Talk to his siblings or parents as they could help with resources, support and finances. Contact a lawyer or get someone to help you do this as soon as possible.

4. Raise funds

This is extremely important. You will need all the help you can get especially if you're not financially stable. You will need bail money for your partner if you do not want him to be stuck at the police station, jail or holding cell any longer then he has to. You will also need a lot of money for legal fees. Although after bail which he will hopefully get, you will be able to pay legal fees gradually or save for them leading up to the trial, you will need a lump-sum of money for bail and the initial legal costs in getting a representative to assist your partner in order to better his chances of obtaining bail to begin with.

5. Be his pillar of strength

This is highly important. He is bound to feel alone, scared and highly stressed with everything going on. You need to be there for him spiritually and emotionally when you cant be physically. Carry him through even though you yourself will need carrying. Do your very best to let him know that you are there for him and you are in his corner.
  • Tell him you love him whenever you can. You can never do enough of this. He needs that assurance and sometimes just hearing the words can lift his spirits tremendously. 
  • See him and communicate with him as often as you possibly can. This will give him something to look forward to and keep his hopes alive. It will also be a chance to remind him of your love and support for him.
  • Remain positive and feed him your positive energy. Don't allow any negative vibes or thoughts to fill you. This can and will taint your spirit completely and drastically drag you down. Lift your spirits with Prayer and positivity and allow your partner to feed on this. Don't ever utter any negative thoughts, possibilities or scenarios to him. Flood his mind with positivitiy as much as possible.
  • Support him in every and any way you can.
  • Love him as best you can.
  • Don't judge him, criticize him, lecture him or make him feel any worse than he already does whether he is guilty or innocent and a victim of circumstance or bad company / friendships. This is in no way time for 'I told you so's'.
It's bound to be hard. Its bound to be painful. Remain strong. Keep positive and believe that it will all be okay. Find comfort and strength in friends, family members and God.
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