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Wednesday, August 13, 2014

My boyfriend / husband is in prison: Coping with a loved one in prison

My boyfriend / husband was arrested what do I do ? How do I cope with my husband / boyfriend being in prison? How do I maintain our relationship after my boyfriend / husband has been put in jail? Is it possible to continue a relationship with someone who is in prison?

There can be little more traumatic or heart breaking than having the one you love taken away or arrested. The thought of facing a fixed period away from the one you love can be devastating and frightening. You may feel scared, helpless, heartbroken and clueless all at once.

Many individuals are torn away from those they love daily - some having committed crimes for various reasons and others being innocent and wrongfully accused or victims of circumstance. If your loved one has just been arrested and you're not sure what to do or what happens next read "My boyfriend / husband has just been arrested: What to do if your loved one is arrested / detained"  IN ADDITION to this article.

You need to keep the following in mind when faced with the above mentioned circumstances.

1. Be supportive - don't lecture

The most important thing to remember is the fact that your loved one needs you more than ever. He may feel scared and alone and needs to know that you're there for him even though you can't physically be around. Whether or not you feel you may have tried to steer your partner in the right direction or warned him of what could or couldn't go wrong, other friends or family members experiences or unfavourable friends - now is NOT the time for a lecture or "I Told You So". Don't at any moment even feel tempted to play the 'I was right card'. Your partner does not need that at all. He is probably wallowing in guilt and regret whether for a crime committed, misjudging a situation or being at the wrong place at the wrong time. He needs your support. You do not need to be 'kicking a dog when it's down'.

2. Be strong

As mentioned priorly, having a loved one incarcerated can be extremely hard. It can break you down totally and the more you think about it, the more you drive yourself further into despair. No matter how much you're hurting, you need to try and remain as strong as possible for your husband / boyfriend. He is probably worried sick about you on top of his own anxieties and fears of being in prison or having to go there. He may also feel horribly guilty for putting you through all of that. By breaking down in front of him and not at least trying to hold it together, you will not do either of you any good and only make him feel even worse.

3. Be level headed in order to help your partner out

When panicked we struggle to think clearly - it's human nature. We go blank and function cluelessly. Although initially this is something you may not be able to help, it is important to come to your senses and try and think clearly as soon as possible. Try and become level headed - calm down, try not to think about 'the worse scenario', negatively or what the outcome could be in a negative light. Rather try and remain positive and dwell in the 'here and now' in contrast to a negative future.
Remember that your partner needs you now more than ever. He is likely to be and feel completely helpless being on the inside and unable to sort out a lot of crucial things for his case. You need to help. If you are uncertain about what needs to be done, enquire at the police station or ask your husband / boyfriend what you need to do as soon as you can communicate with him.

4. Remain positive

It can be extremely hard and a daunting task to achieve but you have to remain positive. By thinking negative you are bound to drive yourself insane. Keep your thoughts and mindset positive and allow your partner to feed off your energy - he will need it. Being negative and thinking negative especially when coupled with voicing your negative thoughts to your partner will only break his spirit further and cause him to sink lower down. You need to be strong enough to lift him up. Be his life saving device - keep him going and afloat.

5. Keep the love alive

Put simply, every single chance you get - whether on the phone, as a message through someone else or in person - tell your husband / boyfriend that you love him. You can never do this enough. He needs to know that you thinking about him, love him and are there for him. It will make him feel a little more like everything will be okay. It will also give him something to hold on to.

All relationships have trials, tests and tribulations. There's a reason they added that ' for better and for worse' clause in wedding vows. Every relationship has its trying times - some more than others. It is bound to be hard and traumatic but you need to hang on in there and keep the faith.

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My Book!!! Click on the image to read the first couple of chapters online

My Book!!! Click on the image to read the first couple of chapters online
Shaylee has a secret she's been hiding from everyone... Beneath her brave exterior lies a girl bruised and scarred by life but strong enough to make it through anything. Moral of the story: Sometimes we don't find love because we don't know what to look for.