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Monday, June 6, 2011

How to choose between two guys or girls

Should I take my ex back and leave my new boyfriend or girlfriend? Which guy should I choose when I like them both? How do I know which guy will make a better boyfriend?
one girl two guys:
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

On many occasions life can be really strange.  When you’re single or just out of a relationship it’s like there are seriously no members of the opposite sex around to keep you company (except a few of your close friends) but then all of a sudden one guy or girl finds interest in you (calls you, asks you out on a date or anything like that) and there’s suddenly at least one more that does the same thing. It’s like when one wants you they all do but when no one does you’re completely solo. Strange isn’t it?
Universally there comes a time in your life when you need to choose between prospective partners; two or more girls or guys. 
This can be the hardest decision to ever make especially when you feel that you have a bad history of making wrong decisions.
The easiest way to do this is by using a technique I picked up from watching “Why did I get married”. Watching movies for me in most cases has been more educational than entertaining and it’s surprising how much you can actually learn from doing that.
In the movie one of the biggest lessons which can be used to make this decision is by weighing it out.  The technique is originally said to decide whether you should stay in a relationship, or fix an old one, but after altering the technique it can be used to decide or choose between two people as well. This can be done by following a very simple but effective procedure.
Steps to deciding between two people
1.       Write the names of the people involved (example: Gayle and Jenna or Josh and Matt) in columns or a tabulated form.

This is what it should look like

2.       Separate each name into 2 more columns and label them pros and cons or advantages and disadvantages.

It should then look like this

3.       Write down everything you would consider an advantage or disadvantage about dating that person in their columns. This is not always easy as you seriously need to write down EVERY LITTLE THING in order to make it 100% fair and accurate. If you can leave out certain negative things about one person in order for them to look better on the list then you’re not being honest with yourself and you’ve basically made up your mind already anyway and thus don’t need to be making use of this technique.  The whole procedure is basically reliant on your honesty and personal preferences and feelings.

Measure the advantages and disadvantages of being with each person

4.       Once you’ve written down everything, you need to go through the list carefully. Be sure to measure all the pros and cons of each person and personally weigh out for yourself which seems more major then others with regards to advantages and disadvantages. This is the unique part because for example, what someone may see as a flaw you may see as being bearable. You may feel that Josh’s bad attitude is hot and you can deal with that better than Matt’s negativity while others may not feel this way. You are measuring everything according to what you would or would not like or be able to deal with, with regards to a prospective relationship partner.
5.       Once you’ve done this you’ve basically made half your decision already. You now know exactly who would possibly be better for you. It’s important to know that this whole exercise is mind driven. The other half of deciding is heart driven. If you’re heart and your mind are on the same page and your happy with your outcome then that’s great; you are all set with regards to choosing. If you don’t feel satisfied with the outcome though, then your mind and heart are definitely at loggerheads with regards to this.

If,  for instance,  you feel that despite the fact that when using your mind Matt (for example) is a far better choice than Josh but you still can’t help feeling that you should be with Josh, then you definitely shouldn’t be making any hasty decisions anytime soon. 9 times out of 10 your gut feeling and intuition are correct and going with a certain decision just because you feel you need to make one right away, is not going to do you any good in the long run.

Sometimes it’s okay to follow your heart and sometimes it isn’t (like in abusive relationships where your mind will ALWAYS tell you to leave). You alone know what you need to do in this situation. Just remember, YOU ALWAYS HAVE TIME! Things become clearer with time and it’s always best to go with the saying ‘If in doubt, don’t’.

No-one ever knows for sure how things are going to turn out but hopefully this technique will help you get a little closer to the answer. Love and relationships are about taking chances. Sometimes you make the right decision sometimes you don’t. It’s all part of the learning experience.

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