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Thursday, June 28, 2012

How to tell your parents (mom or dad) about your boyfriend / girlfriend or relationship

My Parents don't like my boyfriend / girlfriend, how do I tell them we're dating? How do I tell my parents I'm in a relationship? How do I tell my mom / dad about my boyfriend / girlfriend? Should I keep my boyfriend / girlfriend a secret from my parents (mom / dad)? How do I tell my parents (mom or dad) about my boyfriend / girlfriend?

mother and daughter

Why keep your relationship a secret from your parents?

Many keep their partner a secret or consider doing so for various reasons. Sometimes it might seem easier to keep your boyfriend / girlfriend from your parents than it would be to let your mom / dad know about him / her. Some of these reasons include:

interracial couple
  • Your parents might not approve of you being in an interracial relationship.
  • Your mom or dad won't approve of you dating someone with different religious or cultural views.
  • Your parents wouldn't approve of you being in a gay relationship.
  • Your parents don't want you to be /wouldn't allow you to be in any relationship at all.
  • Your boyfriend / girlfriend made some mistakes in the past.

Why tell your parents about your boyfriend / girlfriend?

There are many other reasons why you might consider keeping your partner a secret but there are just as many reasons why you shouldn't. Some of these reasons include:
father and daughter
  • Keeping your partner a secret might make him / her feel like he / she is not important enough to you and that's why you're hiding him / her. 
  • He / she might also feel like you might be embarrassed of him / her or ashamed of being in a relationship with him / her.
  • Keeping secrets from your parents with regards to who you're dating might also add unnecessary pressure to your relationship and cause you to become unnecessarily stressed out.
  • You won't be able to have the refreshing feeling of knowing that you can hug or hold hands with your boyfriend or girlfriend whenever you want to without worrying that someone might see you and tell your parents - because they'll already know.
How to tell your parents about your boyfriend / girlfriend?

There are many ways to go about telling your parents about your relationship but it is all depending on you as an individual and the kind of relationship you might have with your parents.

You could reveal everything to them in a letter if you're too afraid or shy to tell them in person. The benefit of a letter filled with your feeling is that you don't need to worry about forgetting or leaving out something because you're overcome with nerves. It is also a great way for you to get all your feelings across without worrying about being interrupted or losing your trail of thought.

If you're up for it you could tell your parents in person. The benefits of this are that you will be able to get a clear indication of their reaction as well as a feeling of maturity in that you could stand up to your parents and tell them face to face how you felt. This will allow your parents to see your sincerity and views of the situation more clearly as your feelings will come across more strongly then they would in a letter.

No matter how you decide to tell your parents there are a few pointers you should be sure to include in your letter or face to face conversation.
The following tips should help you get your feelings across in a better and more ideal way.
  • Tell your mom / dad that you understand why he / she might feel the way he / she does with regards to your relationship, that you understand that he / she is protective of you and that he / she doesn't want you to get hurt. 
  • Let him / her know that you can see things from his / her side too. 
  • Once that's done, tell your parents that you need to make this decision on your own though and that you need them to support you no matter what. 
  • Let them know that sometimes we all have to learn by our mistakes and that if you're making a mistake right now you'll have to learn from it but you really have feelings for your boyfriend / girlfriend and you want to try and make the relationship work. 
  • Tell your parents that they mean so much to you that you didn't want to keep the relationship or your boyfriend / girlfriend a secret from them any longer or at all.
 It might be really hard to talk to your parents about your boyfriend or girlfriend and you might be worried about how they might react. If you're really sure that you don't think it's a good idea to tell them then keep it in for a little while longer and think things through a bit better. Just remember; you can't keep this secret forever!
If your parents don't find out from you they might find out from someone else and that could be ten times worse. Besides, if you really plan on having a relationship with your boyfriend / girlfriend for a very long time (or maybe even forever) how will you ever be able to take your relationship to the next step (having a family or getting married) if your parents don't know? Some things just can't be hidden forever.
Think about it clearly.

If you'd like more advice please feel free to comment below or contact me.
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  1. Okay I'm 17 boyfriend is 22 . I will be 18 in 2 months.my parents are Pretty closed minded and black and white about age difference should I wait until I'm 18 to introduce him?

    1. Hey :)

      Thanks for commenting!

      I think that 2 months is really not that far away. I'm not sure how long you've been dating but I think that 2 months longer could really not be that much of a bad thing.

      You know your parents best and if you're considering waiting until you're officially 18 to tell them then that’s probably the best thing to do. They're probably going to know you were dating him from before you were 18 in any case but I get why you might want to wait until then.

      I think waiting is a really good idea.

      Good luck and HappY BirThdAy in advance :)

  2. hye im 24 years old.Same goes to my bf.He is diff race n religion.My parents are closed minded.We were in d relationship almost 5years.Im worried they may seperate us once i speak abt my relationship.Im clueless.I need your advise?

    1. Hi there :)

      Thanks for commenting. I hope that I will be able to help a little.

      I’d like to make you aware of the following points.

      1. There is nothing your parents can do to separate you.
      You’re both adults. There is nothing your parents can say or do to separate you. They may threaten that they won’t support your relationship, acknowledge your relationship or accept it but they really can’t break you up.

      What may happen is that you may be forced to choose between having your parents cut you off and ignore you or being with the one you love. Hopefully it won’t come to this but you should think about this before deciding on bringing it up to them. You know your parents and you know what they’re like. If you’d like to know how they react why don’t you get someone (a close friend or family member that you trust and/or knows about your relationship) or you could do it too; to ask your parents randomly what they would do if one of their children (use one of your siblings if you can, as an example) were to date someone of a different race or/and religion. This will give you a bit of an idea on what to expect so that it can help you prepare a little better not to change your mind on whatever you decide to do.

      2. You can’t keep it a secret forever.
      I understand that it frightens you to think about your parent’s decision but the fact that you’ve been together for so long shows that you must really care about or love each other a lot. If that is the case, would you be okay with keeping your partner a secret forever? I don’t think so. That would mean that you couldn’t get married, couldn’t have children, live together, etc. You would have to tell your parents one time or another.

      3. 5 years is a really long time.
      Your relationship is clearly serious and you probably have really deep feelings for each other. This would be in your favour as your parents won’t just see it as a causal relationship but be able to see that it really is serious and not just a fling.

      My best advice for you would be to consider talking to your parents about it. I understand that you’re scared and concerned but it’s the only thing you can do. You can’t keep this secret forever. Unless you feel like your relationship may end and it would all be wasted (in which you’re not 100% sure of or confident in your relationship), you need to talk to your parents. I think the biggest thing you need to be deciding on is not whether or not to tell your parents but when you should do it.

      Think about how confident you are in your relationship, whether or not you feel like it’s a ‘forever’ relationship and how deeply you love your partner. Once you’ve decided that everything leans towards you telling your parents then think about when and how you’d like to do it. Follow the steps in this article and keep them in mind when having the talk with your parents.

      This is entirely up to you but I think that you should think about how your parents would react if they met him (you know your parents best: would they be upset at him or would it make things a little better) if you feel that having him with you could help them bring him along for the talk. If you feel that it could only end horribly then leave him out of the discussion but bring it up to them in a “I would like to introduce him to you if you’d like” kind of way.

      If you’d like to read about interracial relationships, a succesful interracial relationship and the issue of the parents (Here is a TRUE LOVE STORY from a young lady in an interracial relationship and how her parents handled it.) and feeling like everyone's against your relationship

      Good luck and God Bless!


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My Book!!! Click on the image to read the first couple of chapters online

My Book!!! Click on the image to read the first couple of chapters online
Shaylee has a secret she's been hiding from everyone... Beneath her brave exterior lies a girl bruised and scarred by life but strong enough to make it through anything. Moral of the story: Sometimes we don't find love because we don't know what to look for.