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Wednesday, October 3, 2012

How to stop being clingy or needy: Problems with being over-clingy in relationship

How can I be less clingy? Am I a clingy girlfriend / boyfriend? How do I deal with being clingy? How can I stop being clingy and needy? Will my boyfriend / girlfriend break up with me because I'm clingy?
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I am always afraid that my boyfriend will leave me even though he's never done anything to make me thing this. 
I am his first girlfriend, we're 17 and he's great. 
I have stayed up late thinking about him leaving me and it's almost like there is a little voice in my head always telling me that he will. Also I could literally fill my time up with only seeing him, I don't have many friends and the ones I have never want to meet up with me. I get jealous when he sees his friends. Which is silly. When he's with friends it makes me feel so lonely. Also I know he likes having time to himself as well. I am always worried that he will find someone who has a really great personality. As I don't sleep with him I feel like he could find someone who will. 

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He has managed to be the centre of my universe and I don't think I really like it because it makes me upset most of the time because he likes me a normal amount. I made a personal decision a few years ago that I wanted (ideally) to wait until I was married to sleep with someone. This has been really hard to stick to and I know he doesn’t want to as he has said before. I am always worried that he is going to find some other girl who is great and will sleep with him. 

Also when I am with him I am always aware of my imperfections and would love to be perfect for him. I know he is probably sick of it but I literally can't help it. He is really attractive and I think he'll find someone who also is. I've had spots for about six years and I am really self conscious about these also. I just always feel like I am annoying him.

Would be thankful for any advice.


Hi there! 
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Thanks for trusting me with your problem. I really hope that I will be able to help a little. 

The following might help: 

• Put yourself in his shoes as much as you can especially with regards to him being with his friends or having some ‘alone time’. I know that you probably wouldn’t mind trading your time with your friends (if you had any really close ones) for time with him and struggle to figure out why he can’t do the same but think about it from his side. Guys aren’t the same as girls and if you watch a lot of movies and stuff you’ll notice how guys always need to have “guy time” or time with their mates. 

• Think about this, you know the way you’re really worried about him leaving you? Don’t you think that he’d be more likely to leave you over you being clingy, needy and over-bearing than he would over you having a few spots? Use your fear of him leaving as a way of bettering yourself and becoming less clingy. 

• What you fear you create.
Constantly stressing and worrying about your boyfriend leaving you could result in that happening. You need to focus your attention and thoughts on positives like the fact that he loves you, the fact that he hasn’t done anything to make you doubt his feelings for you and the fact that you’ve been together for a while. Tell yourself that he loves and cares FOR YOU and that’s why he stays.
Image courtesy of photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

With regards to the fact that you’re not sleeping with him, I can understand completely where you’re coming from. There is nothing much I can tell you with regards to this except that you have to rely on his love for you in that he wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise your relationship or hurt you especially over something like sleeping with him. If it’s your wish to wait until marriage he should be able to respect that. Yeah he’s a guy so he’ll probably be thinking about sleeping with you tons despite the fact that you wanna wait but he should respect it in that if he can’t sleep with you he shouldn’t sleep with anyone else either. Your relationship shouldn’t be based on or depended on sleeping with each other. 

Please don’t ever sleep with him or anyone else for any reasons other than the fact that you want to or feel ready to. Sleeping with someone because you feel that they might leave you or cheat on you if you don’t is really a horrible idea so please don’t ever even think about it or make it an option. Imagine if you were to sleep with him because you felt it would give you one less thing to worry about with regards to him leaving you only to break up about something completely different a few months later. You’ll feel horrible that you destroyed your personal promise or decision over a relationship that wasn’t meant to be. Marriage is more of a guarantee that you’ll be together forever than dating is and we should all strive to only sleep with one person in our whole lives. 

Remain positive and everything will be okay. 

Hope this helps a little. 

Good luck and God Bless!"
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Shaylee has a secret she's been hiding from everyone... Beneath her brave exterior lies a girl bruised and scarred by life but strong enough to make it through anything. Moral of the story: Sometimes we don't find love because we don't know what to look for.