If she broke up with me, why is she miserable and I'm okay?

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Hi. 

My ex ended things a few weeks ago. Later in our relationship we fought all the time until she got completely fed up and ended things to be happy. She started dating someone else leaving me devastated! I decided to get back together with my former ex and she found out. she texted me saying "I hope he treats you better this time" and then four hours later in the morning she texted me saying "You're doing the wrong thing". I didn't reply.

Recently, I found out that she isn't doing that great. She's been angry, sad, not eating, drinking, smoking and on the brink of a breakdown. 

I don't get it. She broke up with me so why is she the one who's falling apart and I'm alright? I miss her and I really do want her back. I haven't made any contact with her. I need her to reach out to me. 

Thanks for reading. 

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Hi there :)

I can fully understand why you’re looking to her to make the first move seeing as she ended things. You know her better than anyone else though so you should know her personality. The thing is, sometimes our egos get in the way of us saying or doing something we’re dying to do. Is your ex someone with a major ego? Does she have tons of pride? This could be preventing her from reaching out to you even if she wants to.

What you need to understand with regards to the fact that she’s clearly miserable (as you pointed out) is that despite the fact that she ended things, break-ups are horrible for both people involved especially during the ending of a long term relationship. The fact that she ended things doesn’t necessarily mean that she was happy about it. Like you said; you fought a lot during the latter part of your relationship so she may have ended things due to the fact that she thought it may be best.

Her messaging you to tell you you’re doing the wrong thing seems to me like nothing was what she wanted it to be. It seems to me like when she broke up with you she may not have wanted things to turn out the way that they did. Maybe she wanted you to realize that the relationship needed to be worked on or maybe she wanted you to fight for her; only she knows.

I think that you the only one who can decide what to do next. Like I mentioned priory, pride has the power to end or prevent good relationships and that pride could be keeping you and her apart. She could be kept from reaching out to you through pride and you are avoiding contacting her for all the same reasons.

If you decide to stick to not reaching out to her and waiting for her to make the next move this could end in two ways: either she won’t reach out to you and you’ll both go on waiting for each other to make the next move or her love and need for you will outweigh her pride and she’ll reach out to you.

You need to think out the pros and cons of your decision to avoid contact and wait on her. Remember, contacting her doesn’t necessarily mean begging her to take you back or telling her you miss her and love her or anything like that if that’s what you’re trying to avoid. It could be just as simple as showing her that you don’t harbour any hard feelings against her and that you understand that she’s going through a hard time (the drinking, etc.) and that you’ll still be there for her if she needs you even if it is as a friend. If you take this role you could allow her to feel more open to you and she’d be more likely to reach out to you. From what you said she did make contact telling you that you were making the wrong decision but you didn’t reply. This could have been interpreted to her as you being mad, not wanting to talk to her, or not wanting to have anything to do with her. The way that situation was handled could have made her less likely to contact you.

Do what would be best for you. If you do contact her don’t bring anything up with regards to your past relationship – let it come from her.

Trust and believe that if you’re meant to be together you will be.

Good luck and God Bless

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Posted by Jade