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Wednesday, June 5, 2013

My ex says he / she cares about me: Does my ex want me back?

My ex says he cares about me. My ex says she still cares. Does my ex caring for me mean that he / she wants me back? Does my ex want me back?

The only thing that can be any more confusing than having mixed feelings towards someone is receiving mixed signals from them. Being told 'it's over' or 'move on' and then hearing 'I still care about you' afterwards (whether straight after, a few days after, a few weeks after or even a few months after) has the potential to confuse you completely.

There are a few things to remember when it comes to your ex telling you that he or she still cares about you.

1. He or she could be confused

It can be extremely confusing trying to figure out your ex's mindset with regard to his or her feelings for  you; this gets ten times worse when your ex him or herself is not sure about the way that he or she feels about you or what he or she wants. You need to think about this logically - how could he or she give you straight signs or signals (as opposed to mix ones) when he or she isn't even sure what's going on in his or her head?

2. How did your ex say it?

You can tell a lot from someones tone when they say something. If you were lucky enough to be with your ex when he/she said it - in other words your ex told you in person - then it should be a little easier to think about the answer to this question.
A text message would be the hardest to figure out and a phone call a little better but not as easy to crack as in person.

Try and think back to the way your ex said that he/she still cared about you. Try and remember everything and/or try and pay extra attention if he or she doers it again next time. The aim is to figure out how your ex is saying what he / she is saying.

  • Did your ex say 'I still care about you', 'I'll always care about you' or 'I really care about you'?

    Although it doesn't seem like there's much of a difference between the three, in all actuality there is.
    By saying 'I STILL care about you' or 'I REALLY care about you' your ex is trying to express his or her current feelings for you. The words alone may be a bit controversial in that they could really lean either way technically (he or she could want you back and he or she couldn't) but combined with tone you could tell quite a lot.

    - If your ex says the words and sounds a little nervous this could be a sign that he or she still has romantic feelings for you.
    - If your ex says it in a completely calm manner and in more of a 'by the way' or 'friend-like' kind of way, this could JUST be exactly that: casual and friendly.

    The words 'I"LL ALWAYS care about you' can be really revealing.
    The notable point with these words is that they have a 'no matter what' element to them. They also have some what of an 'even though we're not together' factor in them. Both these hidden elements lean towards a feeling of 'not getting back together again'.

    This depends a lot on the circumstance though. If you've been the one telling your ex that you're not going to get back together again or something along those lines - in other words he or she has been chasing after you - then this could mean that he or she is saying that even though you don't want to be with him or her, he or she will still always care about you. It could also be a sign that he or she is giving up on trying to 'get you back'.

    If the current situation is that you've been trying to get back together with your ex and he/she's been reluctant then this could mean that he or she doesn't want to fix things but just wants you to know that they still care. It's almost like a consolation - similar to the 'we can be friends' line at the end of the classic break-up.

    If the situation at present is that neither of you has tried to get back together with the other then this could go either way. You know your ex better than anyone else could so you should be able to gather from the situation and his/her tone what he/she may be feeling.
  • Was there a 'BUT' involved?
    Having a BUT in the picture really puts the 'it's over' in the situation. If your ex said BUT right after saying that he/she cared for you that means that chances are he/she doesn't want to get back together with you.
  • Did your ex seem like he or she wanted a reply back?
    If your ex told you that he/she cared and then paused as if waiting for a reply, it is highly possible that he/she wanted to know how you felt. He or she probably does still have romantic feelings for you and wanted to know whether or not you felt the same way.
The context is another determining factor. By thinking about the circumstances or situations surrounding your ex's words you can also figure out in what line he/she made their statement.

Just as was briefly mentioned above regarding your current relationship status, there are other factors that also display clues to what your ex may be feeling.
  • Did you ask your ex anything relationship related before they said that they cared about you?
  • Did you ask your ex if they cared about you?
  • Was your ex concerned about you at the time that he/she said that he/she cared?

    If you answered yes to these questions then they could have impact your ex's comment. With regard to the first two, your ex may have felt somewhat pressurised into saying that he/she cared about you. It's not a guarantee and yes there is a chance that your ex was being sincere and generally does still have romantic feelings for you but there is also a chance that he or she didn't want to hurt your feelings and thus said that they cared.

    If your ex was concerned about you at the time then this could have prompted him/her to say that they cared. This isn't the same as them being pressurised into it but it could be a case of their emotions having played a major role. Yes, it does mean that they do care to a certain extent hence they were concerned but it does not necessarily mean that they have romantic feelings for you or want to get back together with you.
3. It's expected to still care for someone that you were once in love with

Relationships end for various reasons.

- Some end mutually when both parties believe it isn't working due to fights, differences, etc
- Some end one-sidedly when someone cheats, lies or otherwise results in the other wanting to end things.
- Some end while neither of you want to end things: Someone moves a away due to unavoidable circumstances, or you're forced to break up due to outside influences (family, etc)

Relationships that end due to unavoidable circumstances or situations out of your hands are harder to move past and it is often in these that both people are likely to still care about each other.

Whenever love is involved there will be an aftermath of feelings. Love doesn't just disappear - it may only fade with time but the after math of emotions such as caring for someone still linger for a while (sometimes forever).

4. Long term relationships take longer for feelings to fade

The length of a relationship also determines this. If you were with someone for a long period of time, it's expected that you'd still care for them. Feelings and emotions don't just go away over night. Yes you may know and understand that things wouldn't work out with the next person but you'll still care about them and or their well being.

5. It's possible to care for someone without loving them

This is an important point to remember. Yes he or she may care about you; as mentioned previously it's highly understandable - but that doesn't mean that he or she wants to fix things or for the two of you to get back together again. Caring for someone, loving someone and being in love with someone are all different things. You can have all three of them and be in a romantic relationship with someone or have one missing (being in love with him/her) and just have a platonic relationship with them - friendship, companionship, be a relative, etc.

In conclusion; the words 'I care for you' can be interpreted to mean a number of things. Only your ex can tell you for sure what was going through his or her mind when he or she said them.

The articles 'How to tell how someone feels about you 1' and 'How to tell how someone feels about you 2' may be able to help you better find out directly from him or her.

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My Book!!! Click on the image to read the first couple of chapters online

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Shaylee has a secret she's been hiding from everyone... Beneath her brave exterior lies a girl bruised and scarred by life but strong enough to make it through anything. Moral of the story: Sometimes we don't find love because we don't know what to look for.