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Monday, June 15, 2015

Should I get a divorce? Should I get a divorce over this?

Should I end my marriage? Should I call it quits and walk away? Is my marriage over? Would it be better to get a divorce right now?

A marriage is meant to be a lifetime commitment. When you say the words “I Do” you are meant to be pledging forever to the person beside you in the eyes of God. Walking down the isle or standing at the alter waiting for your significant other to walk down the isle is meant to mean that you have achieved your goal of finding your ‘Happy Ever After’… But what if that isn’t the case?

The divorce rate is ever increasing. More and more people are calling it quits and walking away. Most didn’t envision this dream ending when they said “I Do” and yet it’s exactly where they find themselves.

If you are uncertain whether or not your marriage is over or still worth fighting for this article might help give you some clarity. Please not that all circumstances and situations are unique and that this is merely set out in an aim to help you see things a little clearer and assist you in thus making the best decision or starting you journey towards doing so.

1.       He or she cheated / had an affair
There is always the exception to the rule but
in almost every case; the classic saying "Once a cheater always a cheater" reigns true. There is a slight difference in circumstances through: having something occur ONCE verses having an ongoing affair / relationship with someone else or sleeping with numerous other people or having numerous 'one night stands'.
Both scenarios are completely wrong  but the first has more potential to be justified as a "mistake" or "accident" and has a slightly better chance of never occurring again. It can still be said that if someone falls victim to temptation even if it is just once they have the potential to do it again.

For more information please read here: "Is there a difference between cheating and having an affair"

Once you are cheated on whether it is once or an ongoing affair, your trust is shattered, your self-esteem is broken and you may never be able to look at your partner the same again.

2.       He or she lied
Depending on what the lie was about or how big it was as well as whether or not your partner came clean about the truth or you had to find it out for yourself, you may want to assess whether or not it's worth getting a divorce over. The important thing to remember though is that a lie has the potential to destroy trust. One lie can make you question everything else that was said in the relationship. It may be hard to maintain a healthy relationship questioning your partners actions, whereabouts and whether or not he / she is telling the truth. If they could lie about one thing; they may have the potential to lie about other things... bigger things (cheating, etc).

3.       He or she is abusive
If your partner is physically or verbally abusive this is a major reason to consider getting a divorce especially if you have children. If someone really loves you as they claim to, they would never purposely inflict pain on you especially physically. For your own safety (and that of your children if you have any) it would be best to leave.

4.       He or she can’t have children
This may not be reason for a divorce. There are many other means of having children together. You may want to consider artificial insemination, adoption or surrogacy.
There are many couples who purposely choose not to have children. It is not a prerequisite in every relationship. You may want to weigh out your relationship and connection with each other and then decide whether or not you'd still like to proceed with a divorce.

5.       He or she lost their job
The economy can at times be unpredictable. Many people find themselves retrenched or otherwise unemployed. If your partner is having a hard time finding a job for a reason out of their control they may need your support and motivation more than to feel abandoned during their hour of need. It is important to remember that as part of your vows you pledged to stay together for 'Richer or Poorer'. If, however your partner is just plain lazy and refuses to try and find a job or lost his job due to his own fault (illegal activities, etc) then you may be right to reassess your relationship.

6.       He or she has changed
It's always believed that people don't just change. In most cases people reveal more of themselves, remove the masks they wore at the beginning of the relationship or become comfortable revealing their true selves to other people. If you reach this stage it is easy to feel disappointed and upset at the feeling of 'this is not what I signed up for'.
The best thing would be to assess the "changes" - are they worth ending your relationship over? Is he or she a little more sloppier? Has he or she gained a little weight? Is he or she a little more moody? Or are they suddenly short fused, abusive, deceptive or disrespectful? Assess the changes and decide on what you can and cannot tolerate. No-one is perfect but there are limits to what should and shouldn't be okay in a marriage.

7.      I’ve  met someone else
If you feel that you have met someone else and are no longer satisfied with your current spouse and would rather be with the other person the most fair and honest thing to do would be to get a divorce. Don't ever resort to an affair to 'test the waters' or 'have your cake and eat it too'. It isn't fair and is completely selfish. Have a heart and conscience enough to allow your current spouse the dignity and respect of being set free without being further hurt. Be honest. It will make you a better person.

Deciding on getting a divorce is a major step. You need to be sure before getting a divorce. Assess your relationship, your reasons for wanting a divorce and whether or not it is the best thing to do. If you feel that a divorce is what you need, try and go about it in the most amicable way possible. Sometimes this is extremely hard to do but especially if there are children involved it is always best to try and go about things this way.


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My Book!!! Click on the image to read the first couple of chapters online
Shaylee has a secret she's been hiding from everyone... Beneath her brave exterior lies a girl bruised and scarred by life but strong enough to make it through anything. Moral of the story: Sometimes we don't find love because we don't know what to look for.