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Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Dating / an affair with a married man: Is it okay to date a married man?

Is dating a married man okay? Is having a fling with a married man okay? Is it alright to date a married man if he's having relationship problems? Is it okay to date a married man if he says he'll get a divorce?

If you're the kind of person who doesn't value relationships, commitments, or the sacred bond of marriage then you definitely would see nothing wrong with dating or having an affair with a married man. The fact that you're actually reading this article or took the time to research the topic means that you clearly don't fall into that bracket. You clearly have a conscience and morals and find the thought uneasy and that's why you're looking into it.

In my opinion you are right to be concerned.

When considering a fling, romance or 'relationship' with a married man, I'd urge you to consider the following:

- If he is cheating with you, what's to say that he won't cheat on you?
You may feel like you're head over heels in love or totally infatuated by this person but in all honesty is that the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with? The type of person who doesn't think twice before cheating on his wife?
Think about it; if all works out for the two of you, down the line in the future what are your plans with each other? To get married? How would you feel married to someone who sees no value in marriage? When he says his vows to you (if you happen to get that far) how would you know that he means them? After all, these are the same words he said to his wife not so long ago - the very same wife that he is now planning on cheating on. In all honesty, he probably is cheating on her already with other people and you're just next in line.

- How do you know that you can believe what he says?
There is a long list of lies that married or commitment men use to justify their relationships or rather the fact that they'd like to have a relationship / affair / sleep with you. How do you know if any of it is true?
Often the biggest lie: he says he's in the process of getting a divorce? Would it really be that much of a train smash to wait until the divorce is finalized? Would a few more weeks or a month or two really make much of a difference compared to your peace of mind in knowing that you're not the "mistress" or "fling on the side"? If he can't provide you with a divorce decree or some form of believable proof of the status of his relationship / marriage then ask around - message his relatives (siblings, family members, close friends etc) and enquire. They may not all be honest and may cover up for him but the more people you chat to the more obvious holes in his story would become.
With this being the age of Facebook and social media, things are 100 times easier - message the said wife / girlfriend and ask her yourself! If the relationship is as over as he says it is she wouldn't mind you asking and would answer you honestly.

- Would you be comfortable being liable for destroying a family or home wrecking?
If you have a conscience at all your answer would be no. It would be okay to be with someone after their relationship ended for other reasons (they weren't getting along, they mutually decided on a divorce etc) but don't be the core problem.
Yes, it is important to acknowledge the fact that you wouldn't bare all the responsibility of destroying a family on your own shoulders as the husband is obviously the instigator and if it wasn't you he'd be having an affair with it would be someone else but that being the case why should you degrade yourself to such a level? Let him be responsibile for ruining his own marriage - don't involve yourself in something of such low standards.

- Do you value yourself?
If you value yourself at all you wouldn't want to be the woman who slept with someones husband / father leading to a divorce. Why would you want to be with someone who sees so little worth in you that he's perfectly happy to be married to someone else (she's his legal wife, he lives with her, goes to bed with her every night, shares a family with her, children with her, a surname with her, she has the title) and you're just the woman he goes to when he's bored, had an argument with his wife or needs a break away from the norm.
If he valued you enough he would divorce his wife and marry / fully commit to you. If he can't do that then you're just being used. Don't let yourself be used.
So here it is again - is it okay to date / have a fling or an affair with a married man? 
A simple answer to this question in my opinion would be - NO, it is NEVER okay to date or have an affair with a married man. If he maintains that his relationship with his wife is over, horrible or non-existent then he should be able to prove it by getting a divorce and showing you the decree. If the marriage is as horrible as he says it is why would he still want to be married?

If you know that the object of your affection is married and has a family but still proceed with an affair then you should be open to taking full responsibility for your actions. Even if you never suffer any direct negative consequences, karma has a way of catching up with you and you may find yourself in a similar situation with the tables turned or worse off. Life is a full circle - always remember that.

Decide wisely - value yourself: are you worth nothing more than to be someones sideline entertainment?
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