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Friday, February 12, 2016

Reasons why you should NOT take your Ex back: Should I get back together with him / her

Should I take my ex back? Is taking my ex back a bad idea? Should I give my ex another chance? Should I try again with my ex? Why is taking my ex back a bad idea?

Breakups leave us wounded more often than not. They fill our heads with thoughts, questions and tons of doubts. Did I make the right decision breaking up with my ex? Should I try and fix things? Was my ex my soul mate?

The truth is, if you and your ex were meant to be together you would be. I am a strong believer in Fate and Destiny. There is nothing we can do to change or alter it. Whatever happens was meant to happen - as simple as that. If you are not with your ex right now - it's because that's the way things were meant to be.
Yes sometimes people do fix things, get back together and make things work. Maybe you've both grown up and realized that it doesn't get any better than each other and you live the rest of your life problem free and in bliss. But this is not always the case.

Here are the top reasons why getting back together with your ex may be a bad idea:

1. You broke up for a reason.
Yes this may be the oldest reason in the book but it is also filled with the most truth.
No matter what the reason - it was there. As mentioned earlier sometimes things can be worked on and changed but other times they can't. Assess the true reason for your break up as well as everything that was wrong and work out whether or not it can actually be fixed.
Was he abusive? Chances are he will not change and you're putting yourself (and your children if you have any) at risk.
Did she cheat? Chances are she may cheat again and even if she doesn't you will always question her actions, sincerity and whereabouts. Trust is extremely hard to rebuild.
Did you argue all the time? Chances are this won't change. Being argumentative or having differing opinions is part of your personalities and who you are. This is very unlikely to change or go away.

2. He / she is still the same person deep down.
Just as mentioned above, people can't really change who they are. Yes sometimes they try and change a certain behavior etc but they are still the same person.
Example: You broke up because he/she wouldn't give up late nights out partying with friends and now he / she promises that will come to an end.
It is very likely that it won't. Maybe it will slow down or stop for a few weeks or a few months... maybe even a year but then either it will gradually start up again, he / she will find an excuse to start it up again or he / she will end up completely miserable and feel resentment towards you for "making " him/ her change this (even though technically you didn't).
If either of you has to try and change who you are or what you enjoy to make the other happy, chances are it will be short lived and eventually won't end well.

3. Yes - Absence does make the heart grow fonder.
The saying is true BUT there are also negatives to this.
Far too often we fall victim to this exact fact.
We sit back and think about our exes and how "perfect" they were.
How much better things would have been if we had stayed with them.
How wrong we were to leave.
The truth is that distance sometimes deceives us. Sometimes it is what we make of it.
I've sat back and thought about an ex so much that I turned him into this picture perfect flawless individual in my mind because distance had deceived me by fading out the bad memories and leaving only the good ones. When I sat back one day and came across some of our old IM chats and emails which happened to include some of us having a fight or argument I realized that my ex wasn't that perfect. He had flaws. He had huge flaws. I'd forgotten a lot of the hurtful stuff that had been exchanged between the two of us and the fact that it wasn't only one sided or from me. My ex could get pretty mean.
Maybe a good idea would be to refresh your memory on EVERYTHING  not just the good when thinking about an ex or considering taking him / her back.

4. Sometimes all it is is familiarity - until it becomes too much familiar
A good reason to take your ex back is often the feeling of familiarity reigning supreme over fear of the unknown. This can sometimes be a major negative. The bad will be familiar too - the fights, the arguments, the disagreements or mistakes... just as the good may be familiar to you and the person as a whole - so are the flaws and negatives.

5. Finally: Why make the same mistake twice?
We've all heard the saying: Shame on YOU if you fool me once; Shame on ME if you fool me twice.
That's just the way it is.
If you get hurt by someone it isn't your fault. You didn't expect it. You gave it a shot. You didn't know any better. But to fall for the same lies and deception again means you have got to take some of the responsibility. I
 know it's extremely hard because I have taken the same ex back more then twice before but at the end of the day, after numerous 'get back together's" he is currently MY EX. Sometimes you're just setting yourself up for a fall. How many times can you really get hurt buy the same person?
Like I mentioned earlier, Destiny can't be changed or altered so If you aren't meant to be together you will not be no matter how many discussions you have or times you get back together. All you are doing is hurting yourself more because you keep preventing yourself from healing and moving on. Every day and every month means a step closer to healing and getting better. When you get back together with someone and break up again you've just set yourself all the way back and are now right back at square one. You then have to start the healing process all over again.

Please note that NOT ALL relationships are destined to fail when trying again. Yes some do last BUT more often than not they don't and you just end up a little more hurt or broken then the last time.

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