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Tuesday, February 16, 2016

To the one who got away: Poem / Love Letter

This is a letter to my ex
The one who I still love.
The one I still miss.
The one I still care for.
This is a letter to my ex
The one who's no longer there where I left him.

Dear ex, 
When I thought about you, I thought about happiness
I thought about perfection,
I thought about love.
I thought about flawlessness. I thought about Destiny.
The more the memories faded the stronger the vision and delusion became.
The more I forgot you, the more perfect you became in my head.

My ex, 
I thought you were perfect. One of a kind. The perfect guy.
That I messed up by moving on,
I was wrong.
I forced myself to remember. To recap. To look back.
I forced myself to read the old messages. The old emails.
I forced myself to remember the reasons for the breakups. 
The pain in the makeups.
The sorry's.
The it won't happen agains.
The I wasn't being serious.
And The she's just a friend...

Oh ex,
You were not perfect.
You were just a boy.
I was just a girl..
Who wanted a Fairy-tale and wanted your love and wanted her EverAfter.

Yes ex. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. 
It draws you deeper into a delusion where you fade out the faults and the wrongs and the bads and you focus on the good and you create a picture of who you want to believe someone was and what you tell yourself is gone.
When it's not true. 
It's a lie.
Holding on makes you create a lie in your head and fall deeper and deeper in love with it as you spiral downwards.

The break-up happened years ago but today it happens consciously. My subconscious was never informed of the first break-up. It was still stuck on what it thought could have been.
But today I’ve clued it up.
Today it's finally caught up to speed.

Goodbye ex.
You weren’t perfect and neither was I.
I loved you and always I will.
But I must move on now.
Reality is calling my name.

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