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Thursday, July 7, 2016

Would my child be okay as a stepchild? - Concerns: Dating as a single mom

Will my child be okay? How will my child deal with the adjustment? How will my relationship affect my child?

Mother and Son Hand-prints

Even if you do make it through the "dating world" successfully and through to the other side; what happens when your relationship becomes very serious as to the point of marriage?

Yes this is what you're likely to be hoping for when going into a relationship. Most people rightfully (especially when you have a child / children) go into a relationship hoping for some sort of lifelong commitment eventually and are not just looking for a casual fling. You want stability especially for your child and yet when things seem to be headed in that direction other concerns may arise - such as the above mentioned question "Will my child be okay as a stepchild?"
Many single mothers wrestle with the thought of their child being a stepchild to their new partner. The following may flood your mind:
- What if my partner and I have other children; will my child feel like the 'odd one out' because his sibling will be with both parents and he won't be?
- What if my partner begins to show a bias towards our mutual children in the long run should we have any?
- What if my child feels like he / she needs to share me with my partner?
These are common concerns and they basically can't be consoled completely. You can't be assured of anything. If anything, as a single mom having gone through what you're likely to have gone through in past relationships, you know that nothing is ever guaranteed and you've just gotta hope and Pray for the best sometimes.

The only thing you can do is be a mother before anything else. 

The most important thing to remember is that you are your childs safe haven and it is up to you to protect him / her.
It is okay for you to seem a little overly sensitive or overly protective when it comes to your child from your previous relationship and if you have the right partner he will understand that.

It may be encouraging to know that although there are some concerns surrounding re-marrying or living with a new partner, there are some advantages too:
- Your child will have a positive male role-model should you pick the correct partner. This is beneficial to your child especially if his / her biological partner is more of a "part-time dad" or out of their lives completely.
- It is easier to support your child financially and provide for him / her better in a dual income family then as a single parent.
- Your child will still get to experience what it's like to be in a "happy family" environment.
- Your child will have someone to attend father and child activities, event's or school functions with should his / her biological father be unable to do it with him / her for any reason.

Before even considering remarrying or living with someone you need to feel complete confidence in your partner. Take as much time as you need. Feel sure. Feel certain. Don't have a single doubt in your mind that he is the person you feel is THE RIGHT ONE not only for you but for your child / children too.
If there is even an ounce of doubt in your mind - DON'T DO IT. Rather take a little more time to assess him and your relationship. To assess his relationship with your child / children. 
If he really is the right one he will still be the right one a few months or a year or two later.
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