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Friday, November 1, 2013

I LOVE HIM and want him back... what should I do?

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Hi

My ex and I have a baby. We’ve have been dating for more than 4 years and he recently had another baby a few months ago. He said sleeping with the other girl was a mistake and he still wanted to fix things. I was still upset and felt very hurt and insecure. We have been apart for months now because he couldn't handle me pressurizing him and constantly reminding him about what he did. I asked him if he loved me and he said he wasn’t in love with me or anyone else. 

He found someone else shortly after we ended. He still calls and texts me to say he loves me and misses me. He said he wanted to talk and I think that he wants to ask to work things out but I'm sure he feels that I don’t love him anymore because of the way I act sometimes. The truth is I LOVE HIM and want him back... what should I do?  


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Hi there!

I’m really sorry about how things turned out but I feel that you were right to react the way that you did. You were hurt badly by what your boyfriend did and the fact that you kept bringing it up means that you never were completely over or passed it.

I understand that you feel that you didn’t show him that you cared or loved him but considering what you had been through your reaction was completely valid. Your boyfriend should have been a little more considerate with regards to what you were going through.

The one thing I think you should have done was not pretend that you were over everything when you clearly weren’t. Instead of saying or hinting that you were okay but then bringing it up in the future proving that you weren’t; you should have made known to him that you weren’t okay with everything. I think that the first step in trying to make things okay with your ex is by first making sure that you are okay with the whole situation and what he did wrong.

My best advice to you would be to start off by being honest with your ex. Tell him exactly how you feel: how hurt you were by what he did, how you’re still trying to get over everything and how you still love and have feelings for him. You haven’t entirely been honest with him about the fact that you still have feelings for him and that you’re still trying to get over what happened (but that you’re trying) so maybe now would be the best time to start. 

You need to see whether or not he still wants to try and make things work and whether or not he can commit fully to you and the relationship. You need to consider you too. Don’t only think about your boyfriend or what would make him happy. Think about you too. You need to make sure that he won’t cheat on you or do anything to destroy your feelings or trust ever again. If he can promise that and promise you full commitment then only you should commit to trying to make things work.

If you both decide that you want to make things work then I would suggest couples therapy or counselling. It will help you both work on your relationship as a couple: discover your individual flaws and work on your relationship and making it a success. Counselling might be just what you need to put the past behind you and move forward for good. Sometimes the insight of a complete outsider can really change your relationship for the best.

Good Luck and God Bless

Jade Monique Taylor
Love, Life and Relationships
xoxo

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