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Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Possible reasons why he hasn’t asked you out yet / why he won’t commit

Why hasn’t he made a move yet? Why won’t he ask me out? He acts like we’re together but hasn’t asked me to be his officially yet. Why are we not officially a couple even though we act like one?
Sometimes you might find yourself asking these questions. It might puzzle you that you’ve known this guy for so long and yet he either hasn’t made a move so far, acts like you’re an item but doesn’t call you his girlfriend and hasn’t made anything official yet or you spend all your time together and can feel a deeper connection but he hasn’t taken that step for the two of you to be more than just friends (or more than friends with benefits).
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There could be various reasons for this and it’s important that you make sure that you are completely familiar with each one of them in order to try and decipher which one you might possibly be falling under. The best way to find out is to understand each one of them and then apply them in your daily live and see whether it fits or not. You alone know and understand your situation. You alone can tell whether some ones feelings are genuine or fake but only if you’re completely honest with yourself and open minded, as well as letting your intuition play major roles in your life.
Please note that there are a lot of possibilities and that I will just highlight and discuss some of the main and most common ones. Please be sure to share stories or thoughts on any others I may have left out.
Possible reasons why he hasn’t committed to you
1.   He may be shy.
This is a very common reason for guys to withhold asking girls out. It’s important to know that sometimes a guy can be completely confident, outgoing and have an extremely bubbly personality but still be shy when it comes to asking you out.

Big Ego:
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
2.    He may be insecure.
This could be linked to the previous reason for him not asking you out. Just because you think that he’s hot and God’s greatest gift to woman doesn’t mean that he does. Sometimes guys may not be shy but may be insecure to such an extent that they won’t ask you out. He may not lack self-esteem and even have a really high ego but may be so into you that subconsciously he feels like you’re out of his league. The main reason for this is usually the fear most guys have of rejection. Guys hate rejection and if he even slightly senses that there’s a minute chance of him being rejected by you, he’d much rather keep things on a somewhat friendship level or an unofficial way of dating without asking you out in order to avoid being rejected.

3.       Fear of ruin.
If the two of you have been friends for a while but you can evidently see that there are romantic feelings developing or included in your relationship, one of the biggest reasons for him not taking things further would probably be that he doesn’t want to risk ruining your current relationship. This could happen either by you rejecting him with the possibility of things becoming instantly awkward, or by dating you and having the relationship not work out resulting in a chance of a somewhat ruined friendship.

Friends with benefits:
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
4.       He may want to 'have his cake and eat it too'
This is commonly the case with a lot of guys and especially evident in relationships which take more of a “friends with benefits appearance”. He may feel that without making things official with you he can still enjoy the benefits of knowing that you’re always going to be there for him; give him much needed loving, attention, calls, texts, kisses (and whatever else you may be doing together in a couple like fashion) with him still having freedom to do as he pleases without having to answer to you. He could go out with his friends, flirt with other girls, stay out late; anything his little heart desires without feeling bad about it because technically he’s a single man and doesn’t really owe you or anyone else any explanations.

5.       He may already be in a relationship.
This is another common bummer. Sometimes you may be fooled into thinking the guy is shy or any of the other possibilities mentioned only to be shocked by the fact that he hadn’t asked you out or made a move because he’s already in a serious relationship or even married. Sometimes you’ll be lucky and you’ll find out before it’s too late. Maybe he would describe the whole thing as a misunderstanding: you’ve never kissed, or even held hands – only hung out and he feels that he was just being friendly and you misinterpreted his intentions with you.

6.       You may be the ‘other woman’.
Contrary to (but on the same page as) the above mentioned possibility, he could be completely devious. You could be making out, hanging out and maybe even taking on more serious duties like having sex or sleeping over (more of a friends with benefits situation) only to find out that the reason why he never called you anything more than he’s ‘friend’ was because he’s a married man or already has a girlfriend and you’ve just been the “chick on the side”all along unknowingly. This is a horrible spot to be in.

7.       He may be trying to be considerate.
Interracial relationship:
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
In some cases the guy may be dealing with some issues and would rather not involve you out of consideration. Maybe you’re from different racial or cultural backgrounds and he doesn’t want you to have to deal with his single-minded family who wouldn’t openly accept you. He could also be struggling with an illness or problem that he doesn’t want you to have to find yourself in the middle of. Some guys are highly special with regards to considering the feelings of someone else before theirs and these too could be possibilities which should be considered as reasons for him to avoid officially making you his.

8.       He may be happy with the current situation.
Similarly to not wanting to break a good friendship, he may feel that everything seems to be going perfectly well. A part of him may be worried that by making your relationship official things might change a little or end up not being as good as what they are presently.

Male / female friendship:
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
9.       He already thinks you’re in a relationship.
He may feel like you’re in a relationship and assume that you feel the same and are aware of it thus making it unnecessary to state the obvious or ask you something that is already going on.

10.   He may be gay.
This may seem like a joke but in some cases it’s actually true. He might feel that you get on so well and that you’re his new BFF. Some girls are unlucky enough to only make this realization after it’s too late. The sooner you find out the better. Look at the bright side; at least he has the decency to refrain from asking you out instead of playing with your feelings and emotions or using you as a cover up.

11.   He may not see you 'that way'.
Maybe he sees you merely as a friend or a sister figure.  Sometimes it’s just that simply. He may not feel the same way you do. If you’re not honest with yourself you could only end up getting hurt in the end. Be observant and keep your eyes and mind open and not only your heart.

Like I mentioned at the beginning of this post, there are many other reasons that I might have not mentioned. These are merely just eye openers to allow you to think out of the box and know that there are a lot of possibilities. You need to start being observant. I’m not in any way initiating that you start snooping around his stuff, but look for clues as to what his reason may be. Speak to his friends, pay more attention to the way he acts or the things he does and you’ll be able to know exactly whether he’s too shy to ask you out or seeing someone else.
 With possibilities such as those of being the other woman or using you, it’s best that you wise up and assess the situation fully. Even though it may be a genuine case of him finding you intimidating or out of his league (which could be easily solved by simple ways of hinting or asking him out) it is way better to check everything out carefully and be sure than it would be to be naïve and end up hurt in the end.

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  1. You forgot he may be broke.

    1. Hey there!
      Thanks for the comment!
      lol You actually make a very valid point. A lot of guys stress out about matching up to a girls expectations or whether or not she is out of his league. If he's broke (for example) and he feels that you're from a wealthy or rich background or maybe he just can't afford to take you out as often as he feels you deserve that could also hinder him from asking you out or making any kind of commitment to you.
      Thanks a lot for bringing this point up!


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