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Thursday, July 11, 2013

Why am I still in love with my ex? How long will it take for me to be over him/her?

Am I still in love with my ex? I regret breaking up with him/her. Should I try and get my ex back? Will I ever be over my ex?

After experiencing a break up numerous questions, feelings and emotions may flood your system. You may go from being okay with the break up (as soon as it happens) to being angry at your ex (for breaking up with you or not fighting harder for the relationship), to having an emotional break down (when it finally sinks in that you're not together anymore).
Almost everyone experiences break ups differently and for many it is more than a break up; it’s like an emotional roller coaster that you have entirely no control over.
There are many ways to deal with a break up or to get your mind off your ex but the fact is though, you can’t forget forever; sooner or later you’re going to remember (unless you’re really okay with the whole thing and not just going through a phase of denial).
There are numerous things to think about and signs to recognize in considering whether or not you are in fact 'over your ex'.

It's important to note that the notion of being over someone may be debatable and for that reason I will use the term 'moving on from' your ex.

Why did you break up?
The course of your break-up can have a huge influence on whether or not you move on from your ex or how fast it happens.
A break up over your ex cheating (for example) will result in you moving on from your ex as a person a whole lot quicker (in most cases). If you keep reminding yourself why you’re better off without him/her with thoughts such as how your ex believes there’s someone else better out there and that’s why he/she cheated.

Breaking up because of something neither of you had control over like family problems, one of you moving away or anything like that will be a lot harder to move on from or take a whole lot longer.
Was it true love?
A relationship ending has a way of making both parties able to see and find out what they're missing out on. As the saying goes 'You don't know what you have until it's gone'.
Was he/she your first love?
·   Sometimes your first love or serious relationship partner will take longer to move on from then getting over one of your flings or a short-term boyfriends/girlfriends.


How long you dated or how intense the relationship was

·   How long were you together for?
Coming out of a long-term relationship can be extremely hard. You may have spent a large amount of time together and considering the fact that the relationship lasted a long time, there must have been feelings of love involved.

When you’re with someone for a long time you become accustomed to that person. You begin to know and understand each other’s bad habits, mood swings, sense of humor etc.

Trying to move on from this can be extremely hard but it can be achieved.
Remember, if you can’t get back together with your ex (because the relationship can’t be fixed, they moved away, he/she doesn't feel the same or anything else) you can heal from the relationship. Keep in mind that healing takes time and that you won’t be able to move past your ex or the relationship overnight.

Also remember that even if you just got out of a long-term relationship you can still recover and move on.
'The only thing worse then wasting 8  years of your life (for example) is waisting 8 years and a day of it'. (Dr Phil)

·         How much time did you spent together?

You could have been in a long term relationship but it might have been a long distance one. In this case you might be able to come to terms with the break up a little quicker.

If you saw your ex more often and you spent a lot of time together you are more likely to miss him/her and take a little longer to move on from him/her and the relationship.



·   How strong were your feelings for each other? (Sometimes you only find this out after the break up)

At times when in a relationship and upon deciding to break up, you might not be fully aware of your feelings for the other person or how deep they are.
It’s usually only after breaking up that you realize how much you actually loved that person and now miss them.

Other times it may have been a case of infatuation. If you were merely infatuated by the person (because they’re different, have a lot of money, famous or popular) you will be able to move on from him/her really quick because you never really loved him/her in any case.
It is important to know the difference between infatuation and love.
How long ago was the break up?
·   The first few weeks or even months can be hard. Depending on how long you were dating and the connection you had, you can’t expect to just come to terms with the break-up overnight.

Healing takes time but if those months are turning into years and you still haven't moved on from your ex or the past relationship then you may want to find out if he/she feels the same way. Maybe the feeling is mutual and you can work towards getting back together with your ex. (for sure ways on getting your ex back)

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6 comments:

  1. that help but yet its hard we brock up 8 months ago and i still want him back but its crazy cuz at the same time i want him as far as posebule :( i miss him he still talks to me but its not the same he talks about this girl he likes now like its nothen and i talk aboutr this gie a dont even like he dosent knows i still like him sometimes i wish he did some girls taklk about him all the time like if they know him better mabby they do we dont really have any classes together so i understand i gess but i onesly thought i loved him and he loved me we dated almoust a year but thata all gone now:(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi there

      Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m really sorry that you’re going through this :(

      I hope that everything gets a lot better for you and that you manage to move on like it seems that he has.

      I completely understand why and how it hurts you when he talks about this other girl. Like the saying goes ‘there is nothing that hurts more than watching the one you love, love someone else.’
      The only thing I can think that would make it better is to try and avoid him. I know that you might like the fact that he still talks to you (if even a little) but I really think that it would be best to cut contact with him completely until you have healed from the break up and feel completely comfortable that you have moved on.
      By listening to him talk about the new person or people he likes you’re just hurting yourself and making yourself miserable. If you have him on Facebook I think it would be best to delete and block him as a contact so that you won’t be able to see him being with other people or feel tempted to make contact.

      I hope that everything gets better soon and that you are able to move on. Please read:

      How to get over an ex
      how to forget your ex and move on

      These might help you a little.

      Good luck and God Bless

      Delete
  2. My ex broke up with me about 2 years ago. Why can't i get over him? He was the first person i did everything with. He was the first person i ever introduced to my family. I got along so well with his family and to this day i still do. We still talk to each other and see each other when we actually can since he lives in a different city than i do. 2 years have passed and my feelings for him haven't changed. And i know his feelings haven't changed either. He cheated on me multiple times and got with one the girls he cheated me on. He recently broke up with her and ever since then me and him have been inseparable. I set aside everything that happened between me and him because I love him so much. But we can't be together again. Distance is keeping us apart and it is really difficult to keep in contact. Here and there we video chat but it is not the same as seeing him in person.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi there

      Thanks for commenting.

      I'm sorry that you're having a hard time moving on. It's very common that coming out of a long term relationship you usually do need a lot more time to heal and move on. What’s more is that you're first real relationship or true love usually takes more time getting over. Sometimes you still find yourself thinking about the person, wondering how they are or even dreaming about them more than 5 years after things ended. It doesn't mean that you need to get back together necessarily but that they were or still are special to you and always will be. See it more like him having a special spot or place in your heart. Its times like these that you can just look back and smile.

      The fact that you still have a relationship at the moment (friendship) makes things a little different. I'm not sure whether you want to try and fix things with him in order to give your relationship another shot. I would advise you to think carefully about this due to the reasons why your relationship ended in the first place. I'm not saying that someone who cheats can't change but rather that you need to be sure that he will or has in order to avoid yourself getting hurt again in the future if you are thinking about fixing things.
      Remember, sometimes it's better to hold on to the memories and smile than to hurt yourself trying to pick up the pieces and try again.

      Good luck and God Bless!!

      Delete
  3. Hey, my ex and i started dating over the summer. I met her at work and apparently i was her first serious relationship. After a month of seeing her, i wanted to ask her out but just received news that she was moving elsewhere to study. However she asked me out and i said yes. We opened up to eachother, both had strong feelings. We both agreed that long distance wouldnt work because she was going to start a new life in a different city. We continued to go on.dates and stuff, but when the final days approached, she changed completely like 360. I remember saying i was gonna miss her and ahe said we both knew it was.coming. She tried to push me away but her firends said i didn't deserve that. She said she sorry, and we remained friends. When she left, she gave me the coldest goodbye, as if nothing happened in the past. Month had passd by and she didnt text me, but.when i texted her month later, she described her new life as Amazing and.wonderful kinda hinting that she moved on. My question is did she really move.on?? And she is visiting here in the summer, could there be a potential get back? Im just confused how she moved on so fast? Can someone help me with my situation?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi there

      Sorry for your current experiences. I hope things get a whole lot better and that I can help a little.

      The question of whether she's moved on is a tough one. This could depend on a lot of things:

      1. She could have viewed your relationship as temporary or a fling preventing herself from getting overly attached to you and thus being able to move on quicker. This could be why she said you both knew it was coming. She might have prepared herself in advance.

      2. If she found someone else where she is now that could have made her move on quicker. This is usually due to the fact that even if you haven’t moved on being with someone else creates the illusion of moving on because it gives you someone else to substitute your feelings with. You no longer focus all your attention on your ex or missing him or her but now on the new person. It allows the memories to fade a little and males moving on harder. This is easier with a new relationship because it's still in the honeymoon phases so everything seems perfect and rosy.

      3. There is always the chance that she's pretending to have moved on to make things better for the both of you. Maybe not better but easier. If you think she's moved on then you might be able to move on. If she can try and convince herself how awesome her life is it might be a little easier for her to believe it and move on.

      I can't tell for sure how your ex feels or what’s going on in her mind or life. Only she knows for sure. The best thing to do would be to ask her and maybe judge for yourself when you see her during her visit. Maybe seeing her face to face will allow you to tell how she really feels and judge if she’s lying. It will also give you closure if things really are over.

      Good luck!

      Delete

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Shaylee has a secret she's been hiding from everyone... Beneath her brave exterior lies a girl bruised and scarred by life but strong enough to make it through anything. Moral of the story: Sometimes we don't find love because we don't know what to look for.