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Thursday, November 14, 2013

I can’t move on and its so sad to think that such a perfect relationship is gone


I can't move on
hi there, i need help....

I had a wonderful relationship for over 3 years but my boyfriend ended things because i lied to him about having a physical relationship with my ex before I met him. He figured it out and ended things because i lied even though he had asked me tons of times.

He feels that he gave me many chances to say something but i didn’t. He kept contact for 6 months after the break-up to see if it would work out but felt like he couldn’t trust me even if we were to get back together. He feels betrayed. He said that he’d moved on and I should too so I said okay to the break-up and said that I wouldn’t try to contact him. I only did this to to try and make him feel better. But truth is I can’t move on and its so sad to think that such a perfect relationship is gone.

I want him back. What do I need to do.. I’m so confused... and to make things worse we’ve just drifted into a long distance relationship... 

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Hello :)

Thanks for sharing your story and commenting. I hope that I will be able to help a little.

It’s horrible how things ended between the two of you and that it was mostly due to your doing. I understand that you know that you made a mistake and that you know where you went wrong but unfortunately this cannot be undone. When it comes to a relationship one of the biggest and most important things in it is trust. Not being able to trust each other or having that trust broken can have a deadly effect on your relationship. Unfortunately trust is so delicate that sometimes it can take a really long time before it can be re-built and other times it cannot be re-built at all – ever.

If you had told your boyfriend about your ex no matter how long into the relationship it was it would have probably made the world of difference but due to the fact that he had to figure it out by himself, this makes things worse. The fact that you never told him and he had to find out by himself means that he could feel like there might be other things that you’re hiding and that you would never tell him unless he figured it out for himself.

Three years is a really long time and I can fully understand your pain in the break-up and the depth of the feelings you still have for him. It’s clear that he still loves you too and has feelings for you and that’s why he stuck around up to six months after the break-up in an aim to try and see if things could work out.

As has been mentioned, trust is a tricky thing. It’s understandable that he feels betrayed and 
the fact that he can’t get over what happened has forced him to say that you both should move on.

A long distance relationship is probably what you need right now and might actually be the best thing for you both even if it doesn’t seem like it at the moment.

My best advice to you would be for you to give him space. Things ended badly and he got hurt deeply; his trust was broken and he feels betrayed. You understand that you went wrong so the best thing you can do is give him time to heal. Give him space.

You need to let him know how you feel about him one last time or if you haven’t yet – and give him space to heal from the situation and to make up his own mind with regards to what he wants.

Let him know that you love him, that you still care for him, that you would want to try and fix things and that you’re sorry for what you did, how things ended and what went wrong.

I suggest that you decide on writing him a letter (read here for more) or setting up a meeting/hangout date (read here for more) to tell him exactly how you feel.
It will be hard to try and go on without him – long term relationships are extremely hard to get over – but this is something you have to do. You need to give him time and space.

If you give him the space he needs he may decide that he needs to have you in his life and become willing to fix things. If he doesn't decide on fixing things, you will have learnt a lot from this relationship and will be a better person and individual moving forward. Remember that everything happens for a reason and if you're meant to be together - IN THE END YOU WILL BE!

Good Luck and God Bless!
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My Book!!! Click on the image to read the first couple of chapters online

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Shaylee has a secret she's been hiding from everyone... Beneath her brave exterior lies a girl bruised and scarred by life but strong enough to make it through anything. Moral of the story: Sometimes we don't find love because we don't know what to look for.