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Friday, May 31, 2013

Things you should never do / mistakes you should never make in the beginning of a relationship

What mistakes should you never make at the beginning of a relationship? What should you avoid doing at the beginning of a relationship or while in a new relationship? What should you avoid saying at the start of a new relationship?

New relationships can be fun. They can be exciting. The can be interesting. They can also be stressful though because you're not sure what to expect. DR Phil once explained a new relationship somewhere along the lines of being a situation where for the first part of it (first few dates, few weeks or even month, etc) you're not entirely yourself but more like having your 'representative' represent you to the other person. This analogy makes perfect sense as you're out there practically on your best behaviour.

This isn't entirely the best thing to do but probably the most natural. Everyone does it if only on a subconscious level but you shouldn't go overboard, over do it or even carry on doing it once you catch yourself doing it, reason being, you can't keep up a fake persona or have your 'representative' represent you for the rest of your life. The more you are like your natural self the better.

That being said, there are a few things you should avoid doing early on in the relationship or in the beginning of a new relationship. Here are a few of the most important:

1. Being fake

As previously mentioned, being entirely 'fake' has the potential to be detrimental. Unless you plan on being 'fake' for the rest of your relationship (which could be forever depending on how it goes), this is definitely something you don't wanna do. It is due to being fake or pretending to be someone that you're not that so many relationships often end with fights where the lines "you're not the person you used to be", " you've changed" or "you're not the person I fell in love with" are often thrown around. No one really changes - the real 'them' just comes out eventually. Stick to being yourself and you won't have this issue at a later stage.

2. Being naive

We all need to go into relationships with arms wide open but it is just as important to have your eyes wide open too. There is a very good reason why people say 'love is blind' - you can flat out miss the most evident of warning signs if you're not observant and open minded. No one should go into a relationship completely guarded up, paranoid or on edge as that has the potential to ruin a potentially good relationship too but you should never be naive either. Give him / her a fair chance in the relationship and be open to loving him / her and having a successful, long lasting relationship but be observant too, a realist and open to whatever may or may not happen. Don't be caught off guard - you're heart is too precious to be messed around with.

3. Asking the wrong questions

There is a time and place for everything. Yes, it's great that you know that you wanna settle down, have twenty kids and be married forever but a week into the relationship is rather inappropriate to be asking your new boyfriend when he thinks he'll pop the question, your new girlfriend how soon you can move your things in or him / her where they'd like the two of you to get married. On a serious note, most people are open to commitment and chances are if the connection is there you'll probably get engaged and live 'happily ever after' but by asking deep questions while the relationship is still shallow you could potentially scare your partner off and ruin your 'happy ever after'.

4. Moving too fast

Similarly and connected to the above point is moving too fast. Moving in too soon, rushing things or expecting too much from your partner after too little time could have exactly the same effect as asking the wrong questions - you could scare them off.

5. Suffocating him/her

Everyone is different. People have their own way of doing anything from speaking to dating. If it's only been a week or two into your relationship and you're already flooding your partner with questions like "where are you", "what are you doing", "why haven't I heard from you", or demanding all their time and attention, you could make him / her feel like you're overbearing, desperate and clingy. That's something you want to stay clear of especially in the early stages of the relationship. It's okay to have him / her check in when you've been together for a while (some people still don't like 'clingy' even in really long term relationships) but too early in the relationship they may take a step back and 'look into what the future would be like with you and feel like "gosh if this is what it's like now I can only imagine what it would be like if we're together for longer or years. It's like I have no life!"
You need to be careful of this - so take it easy.

New relationships can be an awesome experience. You're both still excited so the romance should be on an all time high, you don't know each other all that well so you have tons to talk about and you've hardly done a lot together so you get to start a new photo collection. It can also be daunting if you're stressed out about what you should or shouldn't do.

Relax, have fun and enjoy the ride. A relationship is only new for but a short while and then the newness wears off so make the most of it.

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My Book!!! Click on the image to read the first couple of chapters online

My Book!!! Click on the image to read the first couple of chapters online
Shaylee has a secret she's been hiding from everyone... Beneath her brave exterior lies a girl bruised and scarred by life but strong enough to make it through anything. Moral of the story: Sometimes we don't find love because we don't know what to look for.