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Friday, August 23, 2013

Crying over your ex: A Break-up Is Like a Death

Is it okay to cry over your ex? I can't stop crying over my ex. How can I stop crying over my ex?

Break-ups can be highly painful. They are something we all go through and yet one thing we will never master.

What does crying over your ex mean? What does it mean to cry over your ex?

Famous and renowned psychologist, Dr Phil Mcraw once described a break up or divorce as being like a death. He made this comparison in explaining how a relationship once ended (especially when long term) is like loosing something major and just as with a death you need to allow yourself time to heal and morn. In taking this analogy further it's clear to see that following the loss of a loved one, those who cry and express their emotions can over come the situation easier then those who hold it all in and don't shed a tear. In taking things a little further, it often becomes apparent that those who don't shed a tear or express their feelings often don't really get over the loss until they do.

I'd like to compare this to a break-up too in saying that if you don't 'cry over your ex' or express your feelings regarding the break up, you don't fully have that cloure and maybe at the time you can feel like you do and that your over it all but in actuality, months can go by (maybe even years) and then you realize that you never really did give yourself that chance to morn and hence be over it.

It's rather complex but put in short, maybe crying over your ex is not a bad thing and it actually helps you heal and enables you to find that closure in order to move on.

Why are you crying? What are you feeling regarding your ex?

An important point to remember when accessing your tears for your ex is the reason for your tears.

  • Are you crying because you feel that you made a mistake?
  • Are you crying because you miss your ex?
  • Are you crying because you feel bad for him or her?
If you're crying because you feel like you made a mistake then it's probably best you read; 'How to get your ex back', 'Why am I still in love with my ex - how long will it take to get over him or her', and the 'Am I still in love with my ex Quiz'. Feeling like you shouldn't have ended things or regretting what you did to cause things to end can be extremely depressing. Those tears may take a very long time to dry up. 
The best thing to do in this situation would be to find a way of apologizing to your ex. It may not fix things and it may not make him or her take you back but it is likely to allow you to get a load off our chest and to feel better in that you may obtain closure. You will know that your ex knows how you feel and you can go on with your life knowing that you did apologize and that he o she has forgiven you (if he or she hasn't that will be a burden that he or she will carry).

If you're crying because you miss your ex, this may fade with time. 
You may miss your ex because you were in a long term relationship, you got used to having him or her around or you messed up and now miss all the good that he or she did for you. 
No matter the reason, missing someone often fades away and we replace those people with other people. Yes, you might have a faint memory or happy thought now and again when something reminds you of him or her but with time the memories MIGHT die out. 
If you did him or her wrong then just like in the point above, apologizing may help.

If you're crying because you feel bad for him or her maybe because you know that he or she can't get over you, still misses you or regrets what he or she did then unfortunately there isn't much you can do. 
What would really help in this case would be if there were a way for you to see that he or she is happy and doing okay. If you feel like seeing him or her with someone else, genuinely happy would make you smile and feel happy then this is definitely where you fit in with regards to why you're crying over your ex.
With technology and all its advancements there are numerous ways of hopefully achieving this without your ex knowing. And by finding this it would basically be your closure. Use Facebook, Twitter or any other social network to try and 'spy' on your ex just to see that he or she is okay. If time has gone by hopefully he or she would be and it would ell you be less depressed. You may be crying about your ex feeling that he or she is miserable and not knowing how happy he or she actually is or how he or she has been going on with his or her life. 
If your ex isn't into all the online stuff then you may have to resort to the good old fashioned chatting to friends, colleagues or family members. This may 'expose you' a bit and pose somewhat of a risk in that if word comes back to your ex about you asking about him or her it may seem to him or her (especially if he or she is not completely over you yet) that you may not be over him or her and actually asking in hope that he or she is not happy and you can fix things. Be very careful if going this route.

As mentioned in the beginning of this article, break-ups are always going to be painful. They're always going to hurt. That's just the way relationships are. The best thing to do is to find closure as soon as possible in order to heal.

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My Book!!! Click on the image to read the first couple of chapters online

My Book!!! Click on the image to read the first couple of chapters online
Shaylee has a secret she's been hiding from everyone... Beneath her brave exterior lies a girl bruised and scarred by life but strong enough to make it through anything. Moral of the story: Sometimes we don't find love because we don't know what to look for.