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Wednesday, December 11, 2013

My boyfriend / girlfriend wants an open relationship: What to do if your boyfriend / girlfriend wants an open relationship

My boyfriend wants to be in an open relationship, what do I do? My girlfriends suggested we have an open relationship, how do I deal with this? He / she will only date me if we're in an open relationship, is this okay?

An open relationship is a very sensitive one. There are no solid rules or regulations regarding what a relationship should or shouldn't be like.

It is important to know and understand what an open relationship is and then to look at the pros and cons of it as well as addressing the idea. This post will help you with that.

If you are unsure with regards to what an open relationship is read here. You might also want to read and understand what 'Friends with benefits' is.

Advantages of an open relationship

Being in an open relationship, although it may not seem like it, does have some advantages depending on the type of person you are and the kind of relationship you're looking for. Your feelings for the other person would also influence this.

- Freedom
If you love your freedom and space, an open relationship could be perfect for you. When in an open relationship, due to the lack of commitment, you often don't need to 'check in' with your partner letting him or hr know where you are to be with him or her most of the time or even arrive home at a certain time. In an open relationship you pretty much have the freedom to do as you please without having to answer to anyone.

- No commitment
As explained previously, there is no set level of commitment in an open relationship. you're about as committed as agreed to by the both of you. if the thought of commitment scares you half to death then this would be perfect for you.

- You get to 'have your cake and eat it too'
By having someone to call your 'girlfriend' or 'boyfriend' and still being able to be single when you feel like it (seeing or being with other people) you get to have the best of both worlds if that's your kind of thing.

-Keep your options open
You're able to be in a 'relationship' with one person while keeping your eyes open and constantly testing the waters for something better. This comes with being in a 'open relationship' and is free for you to do without feeling guilty.

Disadvantages of an open relationship

All of the advantages basically add up as a disadvantage if you think about the fact that this is exact;y what your partner will be doing to you:

- He or she will be free
There will be no boundaries for your partner and they will be able to do as they please without feeling like they owe you an explanation for anything.

- You might be temporary
just as you could be testing the waters while with him or her, he or she could openly do the same with you. this means that of she or she feels that they've found someone better (maybe someone they actually do want to commit to) you could be gone quicker than you ever thought. This would be horrible as it is almost like your partner may just be using you to keep him or her occupied until the one person they feel fits them best comes along (this is a high possibility).

Besides the above, the following could also be viewed as disadvantages:

- Could get hurt of you want a commitment and he or she doesn't
if you're not on the same level or page with regards to what you want commitment wise or in a relationship and you want more of a serious or commitment relationship then your partner does this could only result in heartbreak for you. it's important that in order to protect yourself you do not compromise on this. Don't just agree hoping to change your partners mindset somewhere down the line or because you think that it's the only way you can be with him or her. Sometimes mindsets just can't be changed and sometimes it's not worth being hurt trying to be with someone who obviously doesn't value you the same.

- It's dangerous
Depending on how open your relationship is you could be exposing yourself to diseases and germs from your partner and or you being with many other people.

How to approach the idea

It's quite simple addressing and approaching the idea if your partner brings it up or has brought it up to you.

1. Talk to your partner.
Tell him / her what your thoughts are on the idea - whether you're all for it or against it.

2. Explain yourself.
Explain to your partner the reasons why you feel the way you do: Are you afraid of commitment is that the reason why you want an open relationship? Are you in love with him or her is that why you do not want an open relationship?

3. Set ground rules if you decide to agree on an open relationship. 
Decide and be sure to agree on what's okay and what isn't. Although there is no sure way to avoid hurt in an open relationship (or any relationship for that matter), by agreeing on what's okay and what isn't, you will at least be prepared for what may happen and can also have some bit of control over it before hand. DO NOT agree to something you're not completely okay with. Think about it carefully first.

If you decide against an open relationship, make sure that your partner is on the same page as you. If he or she is still planning on behaving as in an open relationship but you don't want to be in one things could be disastrous. You need to be on the same page. If your partner can't respect your decision, you will need to move on to protect yourself.

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Shaylee has a secret she's been hiding from everyone... Beneath her brave exterior lies a girl bruised and scarred by life but strong enough to make it through anything. Moral of the story: Sometimes we don't find love because we don't know what to look for.