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Friday, March 2, 2018

How to Love again after being hurt / heartbreak

How do you love again after heartbreak? How do you love again after being hurt? How do you love again after a divorce? How do you trust again after a relationship ended badly?


This article lists 3 major steps you need to take in loving again after the ending of a bad relationship or heartbreak.


1. Forgive.
This may seem simple but it often isn't.
Forgiveness is the most important and hardest thing to do.
You need to forgive not only the other person but yourself as well.

Firstly, forgiving the other person:
Depending on what went on in your past relationship, how things ended, why things ended and your former partners role in it all, you may find it extremely hard to forgive him or her. This becomes even harder when you have to forgive someone who hasn't even apologized or who isnt even sorry.
It is so often, my past relationship included, that we find ourselves broken or torn about a past relationship or partner who did us wrong. We replay his or her actions in our head victimizing ourselves while they go on with their lives living ' happily ever after'. This is extremely dangerous and as bad as continuing the torture of yourself on their behalf long after they have moved on.
More often then not these people may have uttered a quick insincere " I'm sorry " or may not have even said the words at all.


Maybe you're one of the few that did actually get a sincere apology from the other person which could help a little.

Regardless on whether or not the other person was or is sorry, you need to genuinly forgive them. Not a fake "i've forgiven them" because that won't help you. If you don't honestly feel like a major weight has been lifted off your shoulders and you hold no grudges towards the other person because you have truelly forgiven them then you will remain entrapped.

Don't mistake forgiveness for being naive and open to letting the same person hurt you again. Forgive doesn't always have to mean forget but it should give you a feeling of relief and freedom.

Secondly and maybe more importantly, forgive yourself. This may be extremely hard. You may find yourself constantly battering yourself and beating yourself up with "I should have known", 'I should have done this or that", "I should have listened to him or her". The truth is ' should haves' will never happen and what happened already happened. I'm a strong believer in Destiny and the thought that 'everything happens for a reason' as well as the truth that we all make mistakes sometimes.
Beating yourself up and not forgiving yourself will keep you from moving forward and loving again.

2. Be Okay with being just you.

Many people try and move on by jumping from one relationship straight into the other. This is often not the best solution and can sometimes do more damage. The saying "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else" is far from true. Chatting to other people, getting to know other people or going out with other people may help you lighten up, meet new people and keep you distracted from your heart break but it won't fix what you're going through.

You need to heal fully.
Concentrate on yourself and being happy. Speak to yourself telling yourself how awesome you are and how you deserve better and will find better.
Figure out what makes you happy.
Write down a list of all the good qualities you want in a future partner and exclude the bad.
Just work on being a more positive and happy person. You need to heal yourself emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

If your self confidence was majorly hurt in your past relationship due to the way you were treated emotionally or physically or due to being cheated on, you need to work on building it up again.
Make yourself feel good or beautiful. Dress up, do your hair, go for a jog... tell yourself your beautiful and compliment yourself on your good characteristics and qualities.

3. Love again open heartedly but wisely.

Once you have managed the first two steps you should be well on your way to loving again. Once you do find that new person or a prospective new partner, give it your all.

The hardest part about loving again after heart break or being hurt is trusting that it will not happen again. How do you do that? How do you trust that it won't happen again? The truth is you can't and you shouldn't.
You can't be sure that it won't happen again so you shouldn't try to convince yourself that you are or that you should be.
You should get to a point where you are hopeful and positive that things will be better the next time around and hopeful that it will not end in heart break again but 'okay' enough to tell yourself that even if something does go wrong again you will be just fine because you are stronger now.

You need to be at a place where you are able to love again AS IF you were not hurt before because it wouldn't be fair for you to give your next partner 75% of your love because you're scared what could happen if you gave your all again. It would also be extremely unfair of you to make your current or future partner pay for the mistakes of your past partner and heart break. This in itself could inevitably lead to the down fall of your relationship resulting in the heart break you are trying so very hard to avoid.

Do you have any other tips?
Please feel free to comment them or any questions you may have below.

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