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Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Thought for the day: Forgiveness and Apologies

Forgiveness and apologies are one of the complications of life even when they shouldn’t be. It should be so simple to apologize when you’re wrong and so easy to accept once being apologized to and yet this is rarely the case.

It takes a lot for someone to apologize. Factors such as pride and a difficulty in seeing the side of someone else or humbling yourself to someone else is often the course for this. Other times you are afraid to apologize because you feel like you've messed up once too many or that your apology will be thrown back in your face.

The main reason for apologizing should not be to find comfort in the other persons reply or what they say but as a sign of remorse. It shouldn't matter whether your apology is thrown back, whether you are looked down on or rejected. It should matter that you felt remorseful enough to say "I'm sorry" and that you know that you were in the wrong.

If you have a hard time apologizing for something write a letter and make sure that the other person gets it. Sometimes it is easier to write down an apology then to say it. It may seem like the "easy way out" but a written apology is better than no apology at all.

 If you find yourself at the other end of the spectrum and there is someone who has wronged you but has not apologized then you need to make a move too. Not make a move towards forcing an apology out of someone as that is not possible.
Firstly, it is highly unlikely that someone will apologize when forced to and secondly even if they did, the apology will be futile because it isn't sincere.
The move you ill need to make is towards moving on. 
It might seem hard but sometimes you have to forgive and accept an apology that was never given.
This is not for the other person but for you - for your own sanity and well being. Hanging onto the past and past hurts will only trap and imprison you. While the person who wronged you is going on with their life happily, you are straying trapped and miserable hurting and punishing yourself over and over as you re-live the past in anger.
You need to say out loud "I forgive you (persons name) for (whatever they did). " Think about whatever good qualities you can find or think of in the person and ponder on that and then say "I will now let you go and move forward. Everything of the best to you". And really literally move on. It may not be easy but it will be worth it.

Don't waste your life holding onto apologies you should be saying or clinging on to hurts you need to let go.

Be strong. Be Brave. Be Happy

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