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| Inter-faith marriage / relationships |
Religion is extremely important to most people. Many people who fall into a certain religious group view their religion very highly. Some people feel that it is of extreme importance to date or marry within your particular religious group while others (like you if that is why you are reading this article) may be more open to the idea of dating or marrying outside of your particular religious group.
The decision of whether or not to date or marry outside of your religious group should be a personal one to make. You should feel confident in your decision and you should make it based on pros and cons. You should not feel pressurized into dating or marrying within your religion or without if it is not your choice.
In this article I will briefly list some of the challenges that you might face in dating or marrying outside of your religion as well as how to work around them. At the end of the day it is always best to make an informed decision.
1. Family and friends my disapprove
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Either family may feel that one or both of you is going against your religious beliefs or that you will be better suited with someone within your religion.
This can sometimes result in rejection or in extreme situations, it may result in you or your partner being cut off from their families. If you do have a family which is not open to you being in an interfaith relationship you may unfortunately find yourself in a space where you have to choose between your partner and your family.
If you are deeply in love and can put your feelings and that of your partner above anyone else, the decision should not be a tough one to make.
2. You may offend each other
Within your relationship, you may face a few challenges as well. You are in control of how you handle these.
Firstly you will need to be mindful of each others religious beliefs and practices. It is easy to view your religion as being superior or correct and to disregard or look down on your partners religion. You will meed to be respectful of your partners beliefs and religious backgrounds. You need to be mindful of what you say or do when it comes to your partners religion. It may seem obvious and come naturally when you love someone but do not mock, patronize or belittle your partner or their beliefs or religion.
Secondly, you need to keep in mind the fact that your partner does not necessarily see things the same as you when it comes to religion. With that being said, some of your partners words or actions may appear to you ignorant - and to your partner the same way when it comes to your words or actions and his or her religion. You need to try and remember and understand that your partner may not purposely be trying to offend you. Try and cut him or her some slack where you can and be as understanding ad you can be. Try not to be too sensitive about the little things.
3. You will need to think about how you will raise your children
Depending on how different your religious beliefs may be, you will need to decide how you will raise your children. Will they be baptized? Will they be baptized at church? Will a Priest bless them? Or will they be blessed by a Imam ? Will they be blessed by a Pujari? Will church, temple or synagogue be involved in anyway? Is your partner against all religion?
This is very important. On many things with regard to your child you can either agree to do all practices or beliefs of both you and your partner even if it means carrying out the same type of event twice (once in your religion and once in your partners) or you could compromise and do certain practices in your religious ways and certain in your partners.
How we handle our differences in Faith
As someone in an interfaith marriage, I completely understand how challenging it can be but at the same time how easy it is to work around when you truly love someone.
I am Christian and my husband is Hindu. Both my partner and I see no problem with us being from different Religious backgrounds. Personally and Religion-wise, we are accepting of each other and our differences.
This is how we manage and work with our differences in our marriage:
We support each other.
There are certain periods and celebrations within my partners religion which call for him to fast for certain periods of time. I support my husband by taking part in these fasts with him. I ensure that he avoids certain foods on fast days and that the meals we cook on those days or during those periods are compliant with his fast.
I belong to an Anglican Church and my husband supports me by attending church with me. He takes part in the services and accompanies me to blessings and church events.
We look for mutual ground.
My husband and I understand that we have different religious backgrounds but at the same time we look for mutual ground where we can meet and where we have commonalities. For us this is the fact that we both believe in God. We are of the belief that we may worship or pray in different ways but at the end of the day we believe that there is only 1 God and we both serve and worship the same God.
Deepening on what your religions may be, you may be able to find a different common meeting ground.
We celebrate all holidays and celebrations.
We celebrate and make a big deal of all our holidays and celebrations combined. For us this includes Christmas, Lent and Easter as well as Diwali and Pitr Paksha. This actually works in our favor in that we don't need to have arguments surrounding who's family we will spend Christmas with this year. We spend Christmas and Easter with my family because it is based on our Religios and we spend Diwali with my husbands family because it is their religion.
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We do not hinder or persuade our children to look down on one religion.
My husband and I respect each other and our religious beliefs to such an extent that we do not dissuade our children from taking part in any traditions or religious practice of the other. We allow our kids to share in our religious practices with the particular parent whether it is reading the Bible, praying and having Holy communion or lighting the Diya and saying a prayer. This works very well in our family.
In conclusion
All couples face struggles and challenges. To start off, no two people are the same. If you are not on different pages with religion, you may be facing challenges due to different opinions politically, hygienically, sports-wise, with morals or family, socially etc. There will always be something where you are not 100% on the same page because you are different individuals - and that is okay! The important thing is to decide what you can and cannot work around and to then work on finding solutions to the things that you are willing to work with.
Don't let other people make decisions for you. You and your partner need to make decisions together. If you love each other and religion is not an issue for you then go for it! Everybody will not always be happy for you and that is alright too. My husbands mother choose to stay away from our wedding and we are still happily married and in-love today.
Make the best decision for you. Many people loose out on true love because they limit themselves by looks, race or even religion. The saying "love is blind" exists for a reason.
Good luck and God Bless!
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