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Making contact
Many people find themselves dialling their exes number a few times and hanging up (please don’t ever do this) out of pure nervousness or picking up the phone in order to dial and quickly putting it down again. It is scarier, though, if you haven’t fully come to terms with the whole thing and still have really deep emotions with regards to the whole situation.
Even when you have dealt with everything, thinking about hearing his / her voice again after the break-up can be a nerve wrecking thought. Excitement and freight clouds your mind at the same time and your heart starts beating really fast. It’s almost like the first call before you started dating...
Calling too soon could be seen as off putting. You both need some space. A break-up (especially if after a serious or long-term relationship) can be extremely painful. Emotions don’t go well with decisions and trying to force communication when one or both of you hasn’t completely healed yet can only make things worse.
Texting is okay once you’ve been communicating for a while and things are back on track but as a 'first-time-after-a-break-up' contact base text will just not do!
Bring up something he may have told you back then like about a new sport he joined or a promotion he got and ask him about it. It will make him feel like you didn’t forget anything.
This is one of the most important and yet hardest parts of attempting to get your ex back.
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| guy texting: Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
If you’re lucky enough to have your ex contact you first or you're one of those exes that never lost contact then you shouldn’t have a problem but if contact has been cut off for a while then trying to make contact again can be a scary step to take.
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| first call to an ex: Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
Even when you have dealt with everything, thinking about hearing his / her voice again after the break-up can be a nerve wrecking thought. Excitement and freight clouds your mind at the same time and your heart starts beating really fast. It’s almost like the first call before you started dating...
There are a few important tips you need to follow when making contact in order to avoid sabotaging your chances of reuniting with your ex. These need to be followed in order to ensure that everything runs smoothly. Certain things could put you in a worse position then you are to begin with, with regards to getting back together with your ex.
You should only call after a month.
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| friends: Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
Have a support structure
Also remember that it might help you a great deal if you have a friend or two with you when you make the call. They can give you support, make-sure you stick to the tips or rules and just ultimately help you feel a whole lot better no matter the outcome.
Keep in mind that although it might sound and feel scary thinking about making that first call, as soon as you start the conversation all those nerves will go away and everything should run smoothly.
Practice everything a few times over if you must. Do whatever will make you feel better.
Important tips:
· Short and casual
If you’re making that first phone call, keep the conversation casual.
Just call to say “Hi” and see how they’re doing. By casual I mean: "Hey how’ve you been? Just calling to make sure that you’re still doing well" or something should do.
· DON’T TEXT
Texting is okay once you’ve been communicating for a while and things are back on track but as a 'first-time-after-a-break-up' contact base text will just not do!
The biggest problem is that it is absolutely torture if you text your ex and he / she doesn’t text you back! You’re not sure whether or not they got the message, If their phone is off, If the networks jammed, if they changed phone numbers, or worst of all if they saw the message was from you and deleted it or refuse to reply.
Calling is just the best option. It will spare you a whole lot of torture in this regard.
· Hide your caller ID when you call for the first time
This is not because you plan on stalking your ex but for various other reasons.
1. You don’t want someone else to see their phone vibrate or ring somewhere (say they forget it on the table) and know that you’re calling them before they do.
2. You don’t want some jealous friend or person against the two of you getting back together to cancel the phone call.
3. You don’t want a similar text scenario: he doesn’t answer the phone and you don't know if he saw your name on the phone and didn’t want to answer. Also you will have to deal with the stress of wondering whether or not he’s going to call you back.
4. You can get better insight into how a person feels by first impressions. By him knowing exactly who’s calling before he answers the phone this will limit the reliance of his reaction as he’ll have a few valuable seconds in which to prepare himself for your call. Remember, you want him surprised so that you can try your best to judge his reactions; Happy, excited, annoyed etc.
· Don’t babble on
You definitely shouldn’t call and ramble on about anything and everything. Brief, casual and fun conversations are always best.
· Show interest
You should ask him about how his family’s doing (mom, dad, brother, sister, pets) or even the sport or instrument he enjoys (he plays basketball, or soccer or is in a band).
He needs to feel that you still care about him and what’s going on in his life.
Example: “how’s soccer going, you were always so good at it.” Or “how’s your family, your little brother must be so grown up.” You need to show interest.
· Show him that he still matters to you
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| time is everything: Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
· DON’T BRING UP THE BREAK-UP
Most importantly, BE SURE TO LEAVE OUT THE BREAK-UP FROM THE CONVERSATION AT ALL COSTS! This could definitely be a big no!
You don't want him to feel like you called him to nag, start a fight or look for pity. Just leave it out for now.
· Be brief.
It's never good to seem like you're waiting for him to invite you back into his life.
As soon as you’ve had a brief conversation end things by saying “ok, it was nice chatting to you but - I need to get back to the cooking, my friends are waiting for me, I’m getting ready to go out, etc” and end the call. 5 to 10 minutes should do. If they want to lengthen the conversation they will and if they want to call you, text you, email you, or IM you after that they will too.
This conversation is very important because it’s going to catch him off guard so If you do everything right he’s going to be really surprised and be left thinking about the whole thing long after the conversation has ended. You’ve got to play your cards right.
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