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Saturday, June 15, 2013

How to get your ex back – Part 3

An important thing to remember when trying to get your ex back is to accept that you’re not together anymore.

If you’re still at the stage where you wake up every morning and have to make yourself remember (because it hasn't sunk in yet) and when you do you can actually feel your heart sink and you already know you’re going to have a bad day before it’s even started, then you’re not at that stage where you’ve already accepted the situation.
Heart broken girl:
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Sometimes being able to fully understand where you are helps and you’ll be more relaxed when it comes to seeing or speaking to your ex again. This will make everything a whole lot better.
You need to be able to acknowledge everything that happened in your past relationship and be able to openly forgive yourself and the other person for whatever went wrong in order to move on.
You need to accept the fact that the situation went wrong due to both of you and that it was in no way one persons fault.
More important tips:
1.       When you bump into your ex somewhere, go up to them.

There is no need to avoid the one person you’d love to be with.

This is where being over the pain and having forgiveness for everything that happened comes in.
If you’re still upset or dealing with the hurt of the break up, you’re going to struggle with approaching your ex in a meet up.
You need to at least be able to say a spontaneous “hi” or something and move on (especially in the first random meeting).
It is important that you don’t act strange, distant or awkward. You can leave that up to them.
Talking to an ex at a party:
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
You need to behave with your ex the same way you would with any of your other opposite sex friends. This will make them feel like you’ve moved on and classed them in the ‘friends zone’. If they still have feelings for you (as we hope they do) that is exactly where they don’t want to be and they will begin to drift more towards wanting to get you back.

2.       Bring up happy memories

As a tip for when you're in conversation with your ex (if you are in contact or as soon as you’re making contact again) randomly bring up something that you know made you both happy; something like a  good memory.
This needs to be done in context and not like you planned it.
For example, If it’s raining say something like “oh my gosh, this reminds me of that time we got caught in the rain and both ended up sick in bed with the flu for the rest of the week. That was kind of fun though...” and move on.
It will allow them to remember the good and think about the happy times. They will see that there were some really great times you shared together and that no matter what happened or how things ended it was never all bad.

3.       Show interest in them

Always ask them about things that interest them when you have a conversation with your ex.

4.       Show a change
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

No matter what happens in a break up there are always two sides to a story and both people to change certain things in order for it to work.

If for example you had a problem with your ex partying all the time and he / she felt that you were way too clingy,  find a way to show that you’ve sorted out your problem. When they do want you to get back together again you can make sure that they’ve sorted out theirs too.

Example: bring into the conversation that your mom commented on how independent you've become when asked how she’s doing.

5.       Keep meet ups casual

    Never make any of your conversations or meet ups seem like you're hoping or waiting for your ex to suggest you get back together. Instead give your ex the impression that you can go on with your life. This will make them want to be part of it even more.

6.       Give yourself the upper hand

       You know your ex better than anyone else and you know what it was about you that made them melt. Use that to your advantage. Try and get back to where you were in the beginning.
Think the way your ex would:
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Trying to get your ex back can be a very interesting journey. If you keep your eyes on the goal it can be extremely fulfilling to watch everything fall into place and all your hard work pay off.
You need to always remember, however that unless there are true feelings between the two of you and your ex still wants you in his life, none of the tips will be worth anything.
You can't make anyone love you or want to be with you so just know that no matter what happens, everything always works out for the best.

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  1. My girlfriend of four years has broken up with me she is very upset for the way I have talked to her in the past and also says I scare her sometimes even though iwould never hurt her at first I was calling her and practicly begging for forgiveness and she would respond with there is no chance and she was checked out I then started leaving her to her space then she called me and said that she had family that is coming to town and that she would like it if I would come and meet them along with our son but said dont get your hopes up about us getting back together I am just confused all I want is to gain her trust back in me that iwilltreat her with respect how should I handle this? Please help

    1. Hi there :)

      Thanks a lot for your comment. I hope that I will be able to help a little.

      I think that you should just take each day as it comes with her. I'm not sure how long you've been broken up for but the fact that she wants you to meet with her family seems like there is still hope for you as a couple. Depending on how long you've been broken up for it could just be a case of her wanting to 'punish you' or feeling like you haven't ' learnt your lesson yet'. I know this might seem immature or like it doesn't make any sense but sometimes its a case of the one who was hurt wants to be sure that the other person will learn from what went wrong and never repeat it again.

      If it’s been a really long time since the break up then this might not be the case. She might just be stringing you along. This would be a horrible thing but is a possibility. You need to remain vigilant and be sure that you look out for yourself.

      Have you apologized to her genuinely? Please read: Writing A Letter to your Ex it might help with this.

      I suggest you meet with her family. Be nice and friendly with her. Don’t bring up the past or getting back together again unless se does and treat her with love and respect. You can't tell her you've changed you can only show her and prove it if you really have.

      Please read: How to show someone you’ve changed regarding this.

      Good luck and God Bless!


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My Book!!! Click on the image to read the first couple of chapters online

My Book!!! Click on the image to read the first couple of chapters online
Shaylee has a secret she's been hiding from everyone... Beneath her brave exterior lies a girl bruised and scarred by life but strong enough to make it through anything. Moral of the story: Sometimes we don't find love because we don't know what to look for.